I’m going to skip over the enlightenment of step one. The given is that the first step to getting what you want is knowing what you want. I acknowledge some people need to work through articulating what they want without the expectations of others and their own self imposed fears and etc……but really, that’s a post for another day. Today, I’m skipping right to step two because that’s where I sometimes get caught up.

You should know me by now. I share my epiphanies from my real life examples. Let me tell you my New Year’s Eve story.

While I’ve spent most of my New Year holidays at home alone falling asleep well before midnight or with my family, I knew that I wanted to spend this New Year’s Eve with my lover. I wanted a quiet, romantic night at home with the two of us kissing like it was 1999. But at first, I didn't want to ask.

1. I didn't want to ask because I didn't want to have to deal with my emotions if he said no.
2. I didn't want to ask because I knew we weren't dating exclusively and I didn't want to make assumptions about his availability.
3. I didn't want to ask because of my own pride, ego and stubbornness.
4. I didn't want to ask because underneath all that is me putting myself out there and being vulnerable and sometimes I don't want to do that.

Therefore, when he called a few days before and on the morning of New Years Eve asking about my plans, I said the usual. "I'm going to stay home and relax. I'll probably be asleep by midnight. Or I'll be editing or writing. What about you?" He mentioned having to work during the day on New Years Eve and then being free afterwards.

This was my moment. It was my moment to state what I wanted. (Well, it was his moment too but I can't control him. I can only control me.) And this everyone, THIS is the second step to getting what you want. ASK FOR IT! This was my moment. Of course the confident, assertive, sassy Sheena just put it out there without apology, right? Hell no. I took the coward's way out.

"Uummmm, call me when you get off work and if you are free, maybe we'll get together?" I stumbled through. Do you see the twenty things wrong with that line?

"Okay, I'll talk to you later babe,” he said and then we hung up. A nanosecond after hanging up, I knew my comment was just utter bullshit. I immediately texted him.

His response made me giddy. Later we spoke about our plans. I’d go to his house. We’d have a home cooked meal, maybe watch a movie and enjoy our quiet night at home.

We fell asleep long before midnight, but it was perfect if I must say so. Even though we missed the New Year for New York City, we celebrated the countdown with Chicago and finally after 28 years of living, I got a magical midnight kiss. It was cute.

That’s the second step people. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.  Asking doesn’t mean you’ll always get what you want but it puts you one step closer to getting it. Besides not asking for what you want gets you no where. Don't be passive. Don't talk around it. Just ask. Just state what you want. I've learned that when I'm brave enough to be vulnerable even knowing that the answer might be no....I usually end up getting a lot of "YES" in my life.

Have you had a similar experience?

I wish for you an incredible existence full of pleasure, delight and love. Have a great day.

Sheena LaShay is a writer, siren and artist that seeks to inspire you to live an authentic and powerful life. You can also find Sheena at www.SheenaLaShay.com.