The Stories We Tell About Ourselves

Healing is always possible. Don’t ever give up hope.

The Stories We Tell About Ourselves

Melanie Bates, June 10, 2010

I’m a storyteller. I tell stories. Recently, however, I’ve been thinking about a different type of tale; the one I’m telling myself daily about me and my life. This got me to thinking. Am I in a comedy or a tragedy; a fairy tale or a mystery? And like my fiction writing, do I have some semblance of control over setting, plot, characterization, pacing, and theme?

The Protagonist

First of all, let’s meet the protagonist of my story: me. After the required number of years of self-doubt I’m finally coming into myself and have discovered that I’m a pretty great character. I’m compassionate and caring. I’m fiercely loyal. I’m an avid listener. While a bit of a loner, I do shower every so often and leave my apartment to forage for food. I try to pay attention to the universe and when attacked by a red-winged blackbird I try to figure out what it’s trying to tell me. I can be selfish when it comes to living my best life and I’ve learned to say no - to disappoint others in an effort to be true to myself. I’m a girl who will leave her home and her family to move three thousand miles away when I feel the nudge from my Creator. I hate broccoli. I enjoyed diving out of a plane.

The antagonists

There are antagonists in my story as well, though I’ve realized that every great read must have well developed villains and, in fact, in order to fully develop a villain they must be well-rounded - meaning they are never completely evil. (Though my dealings with the folks at Time Warner Cable tell me otherwise.) These antagonists make my story interesting, they challenge me. We spar. Like all good writers I try to see the story from their vantage point. Sometimes I fail.

The love interest

Somewhere in my story there is a love interest, though he hasn’t introduced himself yet. I imagine he’s in China, perhaps reading in a pagoda or climbing thousands of steps to visit a beautiful shrine. He’s an adventurer, loves to travel, is rather breathtakingly handsome, and aside from his wonderful sense of humor, his best quality is his loyalty. I’m not sure when he’ll be trekking to Cleveland but hopefully it will be before my breasts have taken up residency under my armpits and I’m continually waxing my upper lip.

The setting

My story is set in Cleveland, Ohio, a place which has appeared on numerous Forbes.com lists, including: America’s Fastest-Dying City, America’s Most Miserable City, and America’s Worst Winter Weather City. What Forbes can not fathom is that, while these are indeed tough times in the Mid-west, and, yes, it’s colder than Sam McGee’s icy tomb in the winter, we have some of the friendliest and most hearty people in all of the states - adversity builds character. Alas, the opinion of Forbes.com is an essay for another time, suffice it to say that since Forbes isn’t housed here they’re not particularly well-equipped to write Cleveland, but for me this city is just another well-rounded and interesting character in my story.

A new chapter

I’ve just recently closed the chapter on a three year relationship. With all of the good and bad that goes along with every partnering you expend a certain amount of energy giving to that significant other and many of my friends have assumed that I’m now suffering from depression. For a few days I wrote that tragedy. I put pen to paper in my mind and looked at my symptoms, thought about my actions, or in-action, and mentally continued along that plot line. Then it hit me; I can’t let other people write my story. There are some really bad writers out there, there are folks that couldn’t weave a plot line to save their lives. I realized that I’m not depressed. Rather I imagine that I’m like a tanker-truck, docked at the refinery, being re-fueled, washed, pressures gauged; you get the picture. Does this mean I need a script for Prozac? I don’t think so. While it might make for an interesting story - me on anti-depressants - I can imagine much better story arcs than that one. And ... this is my story, I’m writing it.

We are all storytellers and I’m curious, what kind of story are you telling yourself?

Prolifically,

Melanie

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Comments

Megan

By Melanie Bates (not verified) on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 9:22 AM

I couldn't agree more that, "The Universe can dream up far better things than I." And, you're right, it's the emotions we want to feel that we need to focus on in creating our best lives. Thank you!

Melanie-

By Megan Monique Harner on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 8:36 AM

Interesting you should point that out. I think as humans of this time and space it is easiest and most sensible for us to relate and create our lives (and our story) including particular kinds of places, people and things.

I believe it is completely possible to attract these "specific" things into our lives if that is what we so desire.

But...

Where God comes in, and yes he might be chuckling at our story, because this is how we relate to the beauty in the world, living the lives we love, etc; through people, places and things.

The trick is to surrender those people, places and things and write a story of emotion. The path to enlightenment results in inner peace. And yes, we may think we know EXACTLY what would provide us with that at times (myself included) but the reality is that God/The Universe does.

So, I think that writing a story filled with love, peace, enlightenment and incredible journeys would be just the thing to bring it all into existence- whatever that looks like.

For me, the fun in surrendering the details is knowing that The Universe can dream up far better things than I, to bring my wishes into effect.

Just a thought,
Megan

safety

By Lissa Rankin on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 8:17 AM

Melanie,
Your story is ALWAYS safe here! Let us be your witnesses and you and your Editor write the next chapter. You go girl!!!
Awesomeness back atcha, sister,
Lissa

Megan, Thank you - I really

By Melanie Bates (not verified) on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 8:13 AM

Megan, Thank you - I really do like the idea of writing the rest of the chapters of my life - it really is a great tool. I must say that I'm continually torn between the ideas of the "law of attraction," positive thinking, and a quote from Woody Allen: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him of your future plans." That being said, I guess I'll take my storytelling to the next level. I'll continue writing my tale to the best of my ability and keep in mind that I have the greatest Editor in the Universe (the Creator) who knows best. And who knows... maybe my Editor will keep my breasts firmly in place for a long while to come ;)

Lissa, Well... really I must thank YOU for providing the platform for me to feel safe and loved enough to be so candid. You are made of awesome! I've never minded telling my full truth if I think it will resonate with even just one person.

The candor

By Lissa Rankin on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 7:20 AM

Wow, Melanie. I just love the realness of your story. It's very Elizabeth Gilbert on the floor of the bathroom, but in a good way! Thanks so much for letting us read. MORE MORE!

Melanie!

By Megan Monique Harner on Thursday, 06/10/2010 at 6:19 AM

This is so inspiring. So far, I am loving the story of your life. What a creative and fun tool to really create the life you love. Acknowledging the past for what it was and yourself and then writing the rest of the chapters.

Loved your story. Thank you for sharing this with us. I couldn't help but to give a good chuckle at your hopes of finding your prince before your boobs are under your armpits- classic. XO

Megan

When you comment on an Owning Pink blog post, we invite you to be authentic and loving, to say what you feel, to hold sacred space so others feel heard, and to refrain from using hurtful or offensive language. Differing opinions are welcomed, but if you cannot express yourself in a respectful, caring manner, your comments will be deleted by the Owning Pink staff.

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