I’ve been inspired to share about the 3 Levels of Male Sexuality... and how to get your guy to slow down in the bedroom.

Imagine for a moment using a light with a dimmer switch. You slowly turn it on and with each clockwise movement the room becomes just a bit more illuminated.

Now imagine an on-off switch. In a blink of an eye it goes from blackness to light.

Level 1 – The On-Off Switch

Most men will be on-off switches. They see a little too much cleavage or the nape of the neck and “click,” they’re raring to go.

Women, however, may be dimmer switches, thinking, “Why is he looking at me like a piece of meat?" or "What signal did I give him to see that I was ready?”

I don’t know if it was because at 10 years old, my dad the university professor would stick me in the back of his human sexuality classes, or because the shock at 13 that my grandfather was public about his mistresses and his love for pornography... Whatever it was, I became very interested in sex at an early age. 

Like many adolescent males I was all about the orgasm. On! Off!

It wasn’t until years later when my Uncle and I were talking about sex and he said, “You know Jason, no one gets to eat until both parties get their fortune cookie.” Like some Buddhist riddle, this made no sense, yet at some deeper intuitive level, I knew that having great sex included both parties having an orgasm.

Level 2 – The Simultaneous Jackpot

I started learning about how I could engage my partner and how to make sure she climaxed during foreplay or intercourse. Through exploration I found different ways to touch and position myself and to my surprise, I didn’t know how rewarding it would feel to be a contribution to my mate. The way she allowed herself to relax, the sounds she allowed herself to express...

I thought I’d arrived at the Holy Grail.

Level 3 – Divine Love

That was until I was teaching a class on healing communication at a liberal arts school. One of the students sat next to me during lunch and to make conversation I asked what she did for a living.

“I teach my clients about sex.” Through more conversation I learned that S. had been trained in Tantra, Taoist, and Native American Sex practices. She had helped her clients break unhealthy fetishes and taught them how fantasies weren’t as powerful as reality.

After talking for a while I asked S., “Why don’t you write a book?”

She leaned over and laughed. “Jason, it would all boil down to two words – SLOW DOWN.” 

Closer to God

She explained that during sex people often avoid being vulnerable and end up just focusing on the orgasm.  (S. called this "the dog and pony show.") She shared that by breathing and slowing down you can enter into a new journey that brings both parties closer to God.

Over the past year, since this conversation with S., I found that I’ve been quite a novice in the bedroom. 

I can also share that as adolescent males we are not taught about how sacred sexuality can be -- and unfortunately this leaves many grown men not knowing how to become more than an on-off switch.

What do you think, Pinkies? I’m curious -- how can we teach our men of the world how to slow down and bring them closer to God?

In Sacred Sexuality,

Jason