Fo' real? FOUR DAYS until the release of What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend! In anticipation of the big launch day (Sept 28), this week we are pleased to publish exclusive excerpts and blogs by our very own Dr. Lissa Rankin. Today's excerpt is all about the time of the month we women have come to know and love so well (sarcasm, anyone?) -- yep, the menses. What was your first period like? Scary? Awkward? Exciting? Read on to hear about the teenage Lissa's much anticipated first experience with Aunt Flow...

When I hit puberty, I counted the days until my period began, just like all the other fans of Judy Blume’s coming-of-age story, Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret. Every morning, I hunted for those precious drops of blood, but again and again, I found nothing in my panties.

Aunt who?

It seemed like every girl at school got her period before I did. “God, I hate it when Aunt Flow comes to visit,” said bouncy Jennifer as she pranced around the locker room in her lacy lavender bikini panties that bulged in the crotch from her maxi pad. Jennifer was one of the cheerleaders who wore short little skirts to school on Fridays and who had already kissed multiple boys.

“Aunt Flow?” I asked.

“Yeah … you know, when Aunt Flow comes?”

I was clueless. Another girl laughed at me. “Come on, Lissa. You know. When Aunt Flow comes to town?” She snickered. “Does Flow not come to your house?”

I shook my head. “I don’t have an Aunt Flow.” The girls laughed and whispered.

Of course, as luck would have it, Aunt Flow finally came one Thursday morning, right at the end of English class, when I was wearing a white sundress and didn’t have a maxi-pad. Feeling an unfamiliar, moist, drippy sensation, I dashed out of the classroom, scuttling sideways like a crab with my back towards the row of lockers until I reached the girl’s bathroom. There it was: my scarlet letter. A crimson bloom right across the back of my dress. At the sink, I found Cindy, a girl I barely knew, and whispered, “I have an emergency!”  I turned around quickly, pointing to the stain on my dress, then spun back around as fast as I could.

Always prepared

“Lissa!” she exclaimed. “Aunt Flow finally came!” Oh great, I thought. Everyone knows I’ve been waiting for this. But I breathed a sigh of relief. Cindy linked her arm in mine, threw her sweater around my waist, and led me to her locker. She grabbed a clean T-shirt and a pair of shorts, along with a little pink cloth zipper case from her locker. “I’m always prepared,” she said. I felt a rush of warmth from the girl-bonding and vowed to always be on the lookout for anyone who needed a helping hand in the future. Little did I know how many women with menstrual problems I would wind up helping.

I wore the maxi-pad Cindy gave me for exactly four hours and twenty-two minutes, counting down the seconds until school ended. I had never felt so disgusted in my entire life. My crotch was wet and soggy, and I could feel fluid dripping out of me and seeping into the diaper that squished between my legs. 

When I got home, I told my mom I had started my period. “Great, honey,” she said. “You’re a woman now.”

More menstrual nightmares!

Yippee. Woo-hoo. Yay for me. After surrendering to the experience of letting my mother put in my first tampon (long story -- I’ll spare you), more menstrual nightmares awaited me. One night, when my parents were throwing a party, our mischievous bichon frise puppy found my used tampons in a wastebasket. With my blood staining the fur of her mouth and nose, she pranced around and dropped the soiled cotton at the feet of our party guests like they were chew toys, then begged to be petted. Everyone in the room was noticeably uncomfortable, and I wanted to simply disappear. Finally, one of our guests broke the silence. 

“You should have seen my mother’s face when I was a teenager and my dog dragged out all of the condoms I had used with my girlfriend and then carefully hidden in the trash,” he shared. People smirked awkwardly, but it did nothing to draw attention away from my blood-soaked dog, who by this time was pulling out all her party tricks in order to get attention. Suffice it to say I was seriously scarred.

By the time I was in my twenties, I sent my uterus on a ten year sabbatical. With the manipulation of modern medicine, I went more than a decade without menstruating. During my medical training, I felt like my menses were the only barrier keeping me from doing everything a man could do. I refused to be held back and swore off menstruation forever.

The sacred cycle

Now, at 40, after having a Mirena IUD inserted right after giving birth, I am once again free of the monthly reminder of my femininity. But I wonder – by chemically manipulating my body to rid me of the hassles of menstruation and avoid pregnancy, am I missing something, some sacred cycle of life that would make me more whole? Am I sacrificing the richness of the full female experience for the sake of convenience? While there’s no medical reason for me to have a period, might I somehow be denying the Goddess within? Maybe the sacred feminie within me has things to say, and I’m too busy to listen.

I know I’m not alone in having a complex love-hate relationship with my yoni and my menstrual cycle. Most of my patients have similarly confused feelings. While I don’t claim to have the answers to all things gyno-spiritual, I can help you clear up a few of the misconceptions that tend to surround this mysterious process.

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Ok, we all have those nightmare stories, don't we? Go ahead, dish...

Don't you want to know what questions Lissa answers in this chapter? Read the book, What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend (available Sept 28) -- in fact, you can help us reach our goal of 5,000 books sold in the first week by pre-ordering your copy now. Want to get receive a special newsletter with the inside scoop on Lissa's journey in writing the book, the Fall Book Tour, and lots of other goodies? Join TEAM PINK and serve on the frontlines of the What's Up Down There movement, and be sure to visit the What's Up Down There? blog to sample questions like those answered in the book!