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What If God Doesn’t Reward or Punish?

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Here at Owning Pink, we talk a lot about “the Universe”, which we all know is code for “that Divine being we will leave unnamed so that Pinkies of all creeds and faiths may insert the name of who they worship.” But today, I’m going to talk about the Divine Being I know and love- and for lack of a better word, I’m going to call this being God. When people ask me to define my religion, I say, “Buddha is my homeboy but Jesus is my favorite.” Which pretty much makes people laugh and then they drop the question. The Dalai Lama says, “My religion is kindness,” and that certainly resonates with me. But it doesn’t quite go deep enough for me (no offense, Dalai Lama- I love you!)

Exploring My Personal Faith

So what is my personal religion? Who is God to me? Uh…I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure it out (no biggie). This weekend, the Pink Tank gathered together to dream up what’s next for Owning Pink, and while they were here, Pink Goddess Dana and I were talking about this oh-so-important question. Dana said, “What if God is neutral?” And I stared at her blankly, the way I usually do when someone starts referencing abstract concepts in the same sentence as the word “God.” For me, God is love- and God is SO easy to understand.

You Don’t Have to DO God

Not long ago, my mother wanted to take my 4 year old daughter Siena to church and Siena said, “But Nana, I don’t know how to DO God.” For 3 seconds, I felt like a bad Mama. Have I failed to instill within my daughter a belief in the Divine? But then I realized that none of us need to know how to DO God.  It’s no wonder Siena said what she did. After all, most of us are raised to believe that God is something you DO- by saying the catechism, by reciting the Torah, by singing from the hymnal…you know the drill. But what if this simply isn’t the case? What is God is bigger than any action?  So I told Siena that she already knows God, even if I haven’t taught her the Lord’s Prayer. She nodded and said, “I know God in my heart.” Amen, sister.

My Personal Religion

It got me thinking. What is the nature of the Divine? Why is it that I have such profound faith but have never taken my daughter to church? What is MY religion? What can I teach my daughter that feels authentic to who I am and what I believe?

I’ve tried to find a church home. Raised in the Methodist church, I never fit in. I grew up loving Jesus- and I still do. I mean, seriously, the dude is pure love. What’s not to worship? A humble human being served his calling with Divine grace and the world persecuted him. All he wanted to do was show up how love could heal the world. And we went and bastardized it- killing people in his name. As Anne Lamott’s bumper sticker says, “Who would Jesus bomb?” I mean, seriously. Jesus rocks.

A Loving God Wouldn’t Punish

But something about the religion of my childhood never quite worked for me. My faith told me that Jews were going to hell because they hadn’t accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. But some of my best friends were Jewish. And they were loving, faithful, loyal servants of God. If God is love, how could God punish such beautiful beings by damning them to a fiery eternity?

I was also taught that those who do accept Christ will go to heaven, where we get to chase butterflies, eat everlasting lollipops, cartwheel down roads of gold, dance with angels, and hang out with all the other faithful souls we have lost in life. If only we are GOOD, we will be rewarded. The God I was raised to know plays favorites. If you follow all the commandments, give 10% of your income to the church, and do good deeds, blessings will come to you.

But this never seemed to be true. Over and over, I watched bad things happen to good people. So if God rewards the faithful, why do the faithful get cancer, have their babies snatched away from them, or get raped and beaten up by their husbands?

What If God Is Neutral?

So what if what Dana said is true? What if God neither rewards nor punishes? What if there is Divine Purpose and events that happen are simply in service to that? What if God represents the highest possible vibration, the purest essence of love, the capacity within us all to live in line with the Divine? What if bad things simply happen because they are part of a complex puzzle that makes up the highest good for the most people at that particular moment in time?

This is where it starts to get fuzzy for me. But I’ll take a shot at it. If God is neutral to individual events and we can’t earn our way to blessings, heaven, and reward, why are we here and what is our moral compass? If God doesn’t punish us for mistakes we make when we are out of integrity and not serving the highest good, who will hold us accountable? Maybe that’s why we’re here, to figure it our for ourselves and help each other along the way. What if we’re meant to hold each other in check. To hold up the mirror to see more clearly what holds us apart from God and needs to heal. To celebrate the joys and relish in gratitude.  What if God has given us the responsibility and capability to align ourselves with Divine Purpose when we’re ready? What if God simply guides the Divine Purpose without judging us one way or another? When I think of it, I smile. Now THAT is the kind of God I want to teach my daughter about.

I believe we are here to serve our Divine purpose, that each of us has a mission in life, that each of us serves a calling. We are all vessels for this Divine, loving Creator, and the more we clear ourselves of our crap, the more the channel is open and God can radiate through us. But that’s just me…

What Do YOU Believe?

What about you, Pinkies? What Divine Being do you know? How do you connect with the Source? Does your religion raise questions you can’t answer? Is it okay to simply have faith without having organized religion at all? Could Owning Pink become our spiritual home, a gathering place for those in service to a Divine Being that nurtures us as we serve the greater good? Can I teach Siena to “Do God” by simply letting the Divine flow through her as she serves her life’s purpose with love? Can we talk about this with open minds and open hearts, reserving judgment and making room for all of us to explore our beliefs in a safe, sacred space?

What do you think, Pinkies?

Worshipping love,
Lissa

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Posted in Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Love, Owning Spirituality | 57 Comments »

Owning Your Integrity and Facing North

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

It’s not always easy to maintain your integrity in business relationships. In fact, it can be downright hard.

Pretending

In my old medical practice, which was filled with people of integrity, I realized that my integrity was being compromised every day. All day long I was expected to lie- to make up reasons why an insurance company might cover a test I thought was necessary or to “protect” a patient from the whole truth.  With 40 patients a day to see in my office, I had to pretend I was giving my patients top-notch care, when I knew in my heart it was simply good-enough care. With 72-hour call shifts at the hospital draining the life force out of me, I had to pretend I really cared by the time I delivered the 18th baby of a weekend on a half hour of sleep, when the truth was that I cared more about who was going to take care of me.

Having your integrity threatened on a daily basis is enough to eat away at the core of who you are.  And I decided a few years back that I was done living that way. Never again. I was putting my foot down and living within my integrity from here on out.

So when I found myself in a business relationship that once again threatened my integrity, I struggled. Mostly, the struggle arose from my desire to continue in the business relationship because of certain fixations I had with what I loved about the working relationship. You know the fixations I’m talking about- attachments to people, to place, to security, to what you know. So I resisted ending the business relationship.

The Dream

Until I had a dream. A very vivid dream. In my dream, the person I was in a business relationship with (let’s call her Aria) asked me to go shopping. I said yes and followed her to the market. We crossed a very primitive border- maybe Mexico or some other developing country- where we waited in line amidst chickens and goats and colorful crafts. After crossing the border, we were walking on a dirt road, heading south to the market, when suddenly I looked left. To my left where rolling mountains, green and lush, and on the mountains stood hundreds of thousands of people, all dressed in traditional clothing from around the world- headdresses and robes and a brilliant array of world bazaar costumes. Every person was standing still, facing due north, and a golden radiant light glowed off their multi-colored faces. I stopped dead in my tracks on the dirt road, in total and complete awe.

Aria asked why I stopped. And I said, “LOOK!” and pointed to the scene.

But Aria couldn’t see it. She shrugged her shoulders and kept walking south, encouraging me to come along to the market.

The Choice

Then I realized, I had a choice. As long as I kept heading south to the market, Aria would keep walking the well-worn path she knew. But if I stopped, turned around and faced north, she would have a choice- face north with me or keep heading south to the market.

When I woke up, I knew I had to pull out of our business deal- and face north. And so I did. I’m not saying I’m beyond reproach in anything I do. I make mistakes. I compromise. Sometimes, I even sell out. But whenever I can, I remember that as long as I stand still, face north, and let the glowing light radiate on my face, I’m doing the best I can.  At the end of the day, your integrity is all you have.

You and Your Integrity

What about you, Pinkies? How often is your integrity threatened? How much of yourself have you sold out to stay comfortable? Do you follow the path of least resistance and keep heading south to the market or do you take a stand- stopping and facing north? Do you have the guts to take your life by the ovaries and stand up for what you believe in?

Ooohhh….what would that look like?

Facing north and feeling the glow,
Lissa

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Posted in Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning You, Owning Your Intuition, Owning change, Personal Empowerment | 5 Comments »

Creating and Procreating: Owning What Wants to be Born

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I’ve been thinking about having another baby for four years now. Because I was the ripe old age of 36 when my daughter Siena was born, we started talking about it right away. In fact, my husband and I were so certain we were meant to have at least one more baby that I took my IUD out when Siena was eight months old and we were all ready to go at it again.

Then my stay-home Daddy husband cut two fingers off his left hand with a table saw and all hell broke loose. So we tabled the idea for at least a year, because Matt had pins in his hand from 8 hours of surgery and couldn’t even a change a diaper. Then he had to get two more surgeries. Then we were switching health insurance plans, so I couldn’t get pregnant. It was literally one thing after another.

But I’ve finally come to a certain peace about the fact that I don’t think I will be having another child (sniff, dab). Now, I’m almost 41 and it just seems like the time has passed, and I’m okay with that. But there’s this little pang when I think about it.  It’s almost enough to make me rethink my decision to put my IUD back in…but not quite. Recently, I was talking to Pink Goddess Dana- who has been volunteering her time to Owning Pink to help us turn it into a Pink Business (more on that soon, Pinkies!), and I realized that I’ve been gestating and giving birth for over four years now- and I’m a little tired.  In the past four years, I’ve been busy giving birth to ME.

How it all came to pass

It all started January 6, 2006, when Siena was born. By the spring of that year, the idea that I might leave my job as a full-time OB/GYN was planted, and by later that year, I had taken a Pleap (Pink leap of faith) by quitting my job. I spent most of 2007 gestating what a truly whole health medical practice could look like and dreaming about being of service in a whole new way. That same year, I wrote a memoir. In 2008, I joined an integrative health practice and nurtured the little seed in me until it blossomed. In 2008, I grew Owning Pink in my belly and gave birth to it in April 2009. In December 2009, I gave birth to two more books. Now, I’m about to do it all again by starting the Owning Pink Wellness Center in April 2010. And then, I’ll write my next book.

What wants to come through?

Which leaves me with little time or energy for allowing a baby spirit to grow into a human being inside my womb. With this realization comes more than a wee bit of angst. Am I being selfish for denying my daughter the opportunity to have a sibling?  Have I become a work-aholic with no balance in life? Am I expending my creative energy wisely or might I be better off slowing down and growing my family?

To be honest, I just don’t know. All I know is that the urge to create businesses and books seems to be stronger for me than the urge to procreate. And since I already feel torn between my commitment to serving my patients and Owning Pink and my commitment to motherhood, my inclination is to protect myself from feeling torn even further. Why create more conflict for myself?

Priorities?

Some might judge this as un-feminine. They might think I’m a bad mama or that my priorities are not straight. And they’re welcome to their opinion. But me? I’ve just gotta OWN it. It is what it is. That’s how I feel, that God is using me as a vessel to give birth to other creations, that every book, every blog post, every workshop, every patient encounter is a co-creation between the two of us, that I am becoming a mother over and over again, every time I tap into the divine spark and create something new.

And yet it doesn’t look how others expect it to look. I’m not feeding new blonde beings into the Mill Valley preschool system. I’m not buying new Pink clothes for a sister for Siena. I’m not sitting in the stirrups pushing a baby out into this world. But damn, it sure feels like I am. I feel like I mother at least a dozen new creations right now. Which leaves me feeling like I don’t need to get pregnant again to serve my life’s purpose.

Opinions

Believe me- others feel differently.  My mother would love to have another grandchild. Siena’s preschool teacher would love to meet a baby brother. Even some psychic a friend hired to read me said I had two more baby spirits waiting to get born. But I have to be okay with that. I have to live with the uncertainty, the possible regret, the fact that my family doesn’t look exactly the way I imagined it when I was a little girl dreaming of white picket fences.

It all comes down to creation

Creation can get confusing, can’t it Pinkies? There are days when I can’t tell how my creative forces are best expended. Should I dance with the Divine and co-create a new message to share with the world? Should I co-create a new series of art? Should I co-create new writings? Should I co-create another baby? It gets muddy, I’ll admit. I get confused as hell. We all just do the best we can and pray that what we create is done from a place of the highest intentions and the noblest part of our souls. Then we surrender to living in the muck. (A special thank you to Baby Spirit Coach Elisabeth Manning for helping me sort all this out in my mind!)

What about you Pinkies? Do you ever confuse your creative energy?  Can you tell what you’re supposed to create next?  Do you think giving birth to babies in any way resembles giving birth to businesses, art, writing, or other creative projects? Am I totally off my rocker here?

Let’s talk about this. I honestly think it’s such rich, juicy stuff. Giving birth is so inherently what we as females are all about that it nearly defines us. Yet, can’t we expand our concept of what it means to bring life into the world? How many creations have you squelched to give birth to babies? How many babies have you neglected to have because you were busy in business?  Are you so busy serving your community, your family, or your job that you’ve forgotten to give birth to YOU?

Dana, I’d love it if you’d explore this conversation in another post- maybe help us talk about sacred commerce, balancing our creations, and bringing Pink into the workplace.  And Pinkies- if you have wisdom to share, post comments, write a blog post on the Posse blog, or send something you write to Joy@OwningPink.com. I’d love hear more about what you all think…

Let’s talk, dear ones….

Creating & creating & creating,

Lissa

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Posted in Alternative Health, Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Balance, Owning Creativity, Owning Surrender, Owning You | 42 Comments »

Avatar, Arbor Day, and Honoring Mama Earth

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

avatar pandora

I wrote this on Arbor Day and just wanted to share it with you Pinkies!

I saw Avatar last night (in 3D IMAX, no less. Wow!)  And today, I went to Green Gulch Zen Center with my family, where the dharma talk was about the interconnection between all living things. After all, today is Arbor Day. Tree huggers of the world unite! After the dharma talk, trees were planted at Green Gulch and those of us with dirt under our fingers felt a little more a part of the earth on which we live.

Our own magical world

Which got me thinking about Mama Earth- and Avatar’s fantasy paradise of Pandora. My favorite part of the movie was the flora, the fauna- the floaty jellyfish seed pods, the giant orange spiral mushrooms, the gossamer trees with filmy filaments like willows that connect you to the Divine. It’s a magical world out there in fantasyland. We gush about the movie, we whisper in Awe about the beauty of Pandora. And then we turn right around and trash our own magical planet.

Think of the majestic redwoods that live in my backyard. Or the ocean cliffs I can see from my window. What about the purple heather that blooms on the mountainside this time of year? And who in the world thought up leafy sea dragons? Talk about magical!

What I loved most about Avatar was the interconnection between all of life. I love how the people mingle their hair with filaments from nature- and in doing so, they link. I love how the roots of the trees are all interconnected to the Mother Tree- how hurting one makes them all ache. I love how the people honor the land, creating a natural symbiosis. And then the ugly Americans show up and ruin it for everybody. It had me in tears.

So I found it funny that today is Arbor Day, the day to honor trees. Several times per week, I hike among the redwoods in reverence. The trees ground me. The stabilize me. They root me, as if we are- indeed- irrevocably linked and my sanity depends upon them. If someone were to chop them down, I would be heartbroken.

lissa tree hugging

It’s not just the trees

This interconnectedness to life flows through us, you know? It’s not just about trees or plant/animal life. It happens to us too. When I hurt you, I hurt me. When you berate yourself, you diminish me- because I love you and how dare you berate someone I love? This thread that unites us can feel extremely delicate at times, so much so that we may feel isolated, alone, separate. And yet, it’s simply not true. The thread that binds us is surprisingly strong, like the neurons that entangle each other to make up a thought.

If you’re like me, Pinkies, you get overwhelmed when you think about how we might help save Mama Earth. How can little ol’ me fix this big old catastrophe?

10 Tips to Help Save The Planet & Connect Us All

  1. Eliminate Styrofoam.
  2. Carpool.
  3. Limit or eliminate the use of plastic.
  4. Support local farmers- buy local.
  5. Recycle.
  6. Green your home (more on that soon from Green Goddess Tricia Barrett).
  7. Plant a garden.
  8. Buy organic food.
  9. Walk or bike if you can.
  10. Use reusable products, such as reusable coffee filters, batteries. Avoid disposable items such as single use cameras, razors, paper towels, etc.

And as a bonus for today: PLANT A TREE.

Hugging a tree and feeling the love,
Lissa

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Posted in Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Mama Earth stuff, Owning Spirituality | 3 Comments »

A Valentine’s Day Challenge: Say “I LOVE YOU”

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

i-love-youPinkies, I love you. Really, I do. I’m not just saying it. When I think of each and every one of you, my heart swells almost to bursting. I love you. I just do. Which you may find odd, because we don’t say these things much. But hey- it’s almost Valentines day, so it bears exploring, this whole “love” thing.

An Imperfect Language
The problem is that we simply don’t have enough words for love in the English language. We have “like” which is watered down and kinda lame. We have “adore” which is definitely limited to romantic love and children. But what about the love you have for your girlfriends (or guy friends)? What about the love you have for your parents? For you children? For your crazy Uncle Lenny? For your pitbull Spike? For your job? For yourself? What about the love I have for you Pinkies, most of whom I’ve never met? Why don’t we have language for these feelings? We could try rewriting the language to more closely reflect the way Eskimos talk about snow, but hey- it’s not my place to reconfigure the language of Shakespeare. So for now, we’ll have to stick to what we’ve got.

Can You Say “I LOVE YOU” Too Much?
The way I see it, most of us don’t hear the words “I love you” enough. I was blessed. I grew up hearing it all the time from my parents and loved ones. Then I attracted boys who said it often, until one boyfriend refused to say it more than once per day. He believed that saying the words cheapened them. Used to bum me out completely if he said it at 8am- I knew he’d reached his quota until the next day, no matter how tenderly he expressed it. Although I truly adored the guy, that relationship lasted less than six months (no surprise).

Personally, I think there’s no such thing as too much love. It probably won’t come as much surprise to you that when a life coach asked me to take a Signature Strengths test, my number one Signature Strength was “The ability to love and be loved.” Uh…really? So you might say I’m gifted at love. (Trust me- this can be a liability. By 33, I was twice divorced. But that’s another story for another post).

Loving Freely
When I think of free love, I think of long-haired hippies with daisies in their hair at Grateful Dead concerts, and frankly- that’s not really me. But in a way, yes, I guess I’m a free love kind of gal. No, I don’t really sleep around. In fact, I can still count on one hand the men I’ve slept with (and no, I’m not proud of the fact that I married three of them). But the truth is, I love often. And hard. I love profoundly. And it’s not just boys. I cherish my daughter. I adore my mother. I love my girlfriends deeply. I love my patients (may the medical community strike me down for speaking such heresy). And I love Pinkies. I would name each of you, but I don’t want to embarrass you- plus, that would be a really long post. So I’ll resist the temptation to express my love for each and every one of you.

Expressing Love Genuinely
But is it real? Do I really love that much? Some might argue that what I call love isn’t the same as what others call love. What do I know? This is just me. What I can honestly say is that I see your spirits- each individual one. I can see past your masks. I can use Magical Eyes. And when I see you, my heart connects to yours with this beam of Pink light, a direct heart-to-heart channel of divine love that courses through me and through you and links us indelibly like family. True, I may not know you. We’ve probably never met. If you just joined the Pink Posse forum, I may not even know your name. And yet, I love you. I see in you all the possibility of your highest self, your beautiful spirit, your divine potential. Is this weird? Maybe, by society’s standards. But it’s how I feel. So I’m just telling you my truth. I’m owning it. I love you. Period.

Is It Authentic?
If I love all of you, does it mean I love my daughter, my husband, or my best friend any less?  Am I being genuine, or am I just saying what you might want to hear? Well, all I can say is that it’s what feels real to me. I feel like I don’t need to know the details about you to know the essence of you, to believe in your preciousness, to see your magnificence. Does it make it less meaningful if I offer love freely? I hope not. Our world craves more love. I’d hate to think that I should start rationing what I genuinely feel.

Growing up, my mother taught me a song. It goes like this.

Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away. You end up having more.

It’s just like a magic penny. Hold it tight and you won’t have any. Lend it, spend it, and you’ll have so many, they’ll roll all over the floor.

Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away. You end up having more.

My husband Matt now calls it “Lucky Penny Love.” And I guess I’m a believer in the song. Love lies within us all. We all are capable of loving and being loved. It just so happens that this is my #1 Signature Strength (I’m not gonna tell you what I suck at – that’s yet another post), but this capacity lies within us all. You too can OWN it. You are loving. You are lovable. I SEE you.

Why Do We Avoid the Words We Most Long to Hear?
Why do we ration the words “I love you?” I mean, face it. We are all desperate to hear them whispered in our ear by a lover, expressed to us by a parent, or voiced by our children. When our friends say it, we may blush but our hearts swell and our spirits lift. When Pinkies say it to you, admit it- it feels good. You may feel a little weird about having complete strangers utter terms of endearment- after all, it’s completely foreign to most of us- but if you dig deep, you realize that you like it. Hell, you love it. You heart eats it up.

Say I LOVE YOU Out Loud
Let’s just do it, Pinkies. Express your love to those you care about. Say it to your family. Say it to your best friend. Say it to yourself in a mirror. Say it to the Universe. Practice saying it until it rolls off your tongue. Who doesn’t want to live in love? And hey- it’s Valentine’s Day. Do it just because. Do it freely. Offer love like hot tea on a cold day. Nurture others with your fresh, beautiful spirit. Don’t be shy. They want it. I swear- they want it, even if they look askance and change the subject. Expect nothing in return. Just live in love. And watch what happens.

What about you Pinkies? What do you think about the words “I love you?” What are your experiences with love? Are you able to love freely or does it wig you out? Are you able to receive love when others offer it , or do you shut it out? Do you believe us when we say we love you? Or are you making up reasons why you’re unlovable? Let’s talk about this, dear ones. It’s SO important. I care what you have to say….

Loving you (like it or not!),
Lissa

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Posted in Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Love, Owning Your Emotions | 10 Comments »

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