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Owning Our Demons: Having Tea With Gremlins

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

Hey Pinkies,
Please welcome Dana, a total rockstar over on the Posse Blog, with a rather amusing and very powerful way to deal with the little fears, voices, and monsters that hold us back. This was initially posted on her blog, http://blog.stonetosser.com. Please welcome Dana with a big Pink standing ovation!

Do you know your demons? I do. I know many of them so well that I talk to them, inviting them to tea. We have conversations like old friends.

Until recently, I considered this level of familiarity with my dark side a strength. I mean, by getting to know them, I’ve been able to see them for what they really are – horridly distorted imaginings, most of whom turn out to be silly little creatures camping it up around candles that cast monstrous shadows. One by one I’ve been throwing back the black curtains where they hide to reveal them; and one by one they’ve been turning up as little imps and gremlins and – sometimes the most heartbreakingly – wounded parts of me. I’m still finding them hiding in the rafters and walls of my mentally haunted house, but after years of work, I’ve finally got most of them showing up for tea to participate in a slightly more socially constructive activity than trashing my subconscious. (And those that aren’t at the table yet will at least sneak in to steal the cookies.)

But here’s the catch. Even now that they will deign to sit at my knee and sip tea with me – no longer hiding in the dark and building up my fears and anxieties into paralyzing fantasies of doom – I find that some of the little buggers are still working against my interests. That’s my big ah-ha today; they’re smaller and less threatening, but – they’re still here!

For example, I’m no longer afraid of people telling me I’m an idiot. This is not because some people aren’t willing to do so, but I no longer let worry about lack of approval stop me from meeting new people, keep me from speaking my truth or draw me into emotionally abusive relationships (personally, professionally or otherwise). Despite having called my Approval Gremlin out of hiding a few years back, however, I did recently notice an anonymous voice in my head coming up with excuses for me not to make a certain phone call… It was insidiously suggesting that I was, indeed, an idiot. “Maybe they haven’t returned your call because you’re really not all that good. They were just being nice when you met them, and you’re a fool to believe otherwise….heh, heh, heh…”

WTF? Where did THAT voice come from? Upon conscious investigation of said little voice, I discovered the Approval Gremlin, sitting at my knee with his tea cup and crumpet raised, sporting the silliest, most conniving and fakingly innocent grin on his face.

So, I picked up the phone and made the call. The person took my call, explained why he’d been silent and invited me to call back in a few days. Ha! I’m sticking out my tongue at the little Approval Gremlin with this very blog post! Little bastard.

So anyway, for those of you interested in confronting your demons, I’m putting mine up for adoption. Perhaps you’d like a little Approval Gremlin to scamper into your dark corners and drag out the little creatures you’re trying to scare up? Mine’s available immediately. I’ll give him to you! I’ll even give you his tea cup and half eaten crumpet! Ok. Just kidding, I don’t really want to sic the little beastie on you. (Just imagine if they teamed up!) But I will refer you to Joy’s blog post last week about confronting your demons. It’s a great run-down of all the things hiding in our mentally haunted houses, just waiting to sabotage our best efforts at living confidently and with courage. I recommend it especially in the wake of Halloween, after the Monsters have left our streets and come back inside to rest.

Good luck with your demons and may they all turn up to be no more than annoying little buggers by the time you tame them into sitting with you for tea.

Gremlins for sale,
Dana

Tags: approval, confronting demons, dark side, demons, gremlins, halloween, imps, inner critic, monsters, overcoming fear, voices, wounds
Posted in Guest Pinkies, Owning You, Personal Empowerment, pink posse | 1 Comment »

Owning You: Confronting Your Ghosts, Demons, and Monsters

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Happy Halloween, Pinkies! Joy, here. Tomorrow is the spookiest day of the year, when witches, gremlins, ghosts, and demons come out to play. It got me thinking about the ways our lives can be haunted. We carry around plenty of ghosts – fears, regrets, and responsibilities weigh us down, and take up space and energy that could be used in pursuit of our mojo. Here are some Halloween tips on slaying the demons and releasing the ghosts in our lives.

Regret. Probably the scariest ghost of them all. Things we have or haven’t done or said will surface when we least expect it – the twinge of regret stabbing like Freddy’s knife. We can face down regret often by remembering that there is no suffering in the present moment. Not only that, but the present moment is all there is. Do something that helps bring you into the now – meditate, go for a hike, play with your kids or your pets. Let everything else fall away. We can’t go back and undo what we’ve done, and it’s possible that in the future we will act in a way we will later regret. Accept that you are human (it’s likely that there are at least 7 billion others with regrets too), flawed, fallible, and most of all, LOVEABLE.
Broken relationships. The term “monster-in-law” speaks well to the torment of a relationship gone sour. Are there people in your life with whom you experience tension, constant angst, or awkwardness? What is the cause of this dynamic – can you even remember? Drill down to the roots of why the prospect of being around this person is so scary. If it is possible, take steps to heal what is broken. It could also be time for the relationship to be over. If so, release it with love, forgiveness, and an open heart.
Phobias. Are you afraid of the dark? Ghosts? Heights? Spiders? How does your phobia hold you back from doing what you want to in life? Take some time to sit quietly with your phobia and ask what it is that truly scares you. What elements of the fear can you release? An intuitive reading could help you get to the bottom of inexplicable fears, as often they reside in past lives.
Bad memories. As with regret, memories of terrible experiences in our lives can surface when we don’t want them to, and might deter us from living to our fullest potential. First, know that it is not your responsibility to hold information that no longer serves you. Various body work and energy healing modalities like massage therapy or Reiki can gently and safely help you bring these particular ghosts to the surface and, as you become ready, help you to let them go.
Worry. Anxious over the future? Concerned about your loved ones? Remember, Pinkies, that the Universe actually has the future pretty well under control – the world will spin on, and there is no need for you to drive. Same with the people in our lives. While it’s easy to think that our kids’/ spouses’/ friends’ lives would cease to function without our involvement, each of us is on our own path and, ultimately, must make our own decisions for our lives. Worrying does not help anyone. All we can do is send love and light to our dear ones, surround them with an energetic bubble of safety, then let go and trust that their lives – like ours – are unfolding as they should.
Fear for the world. Shut off your TVs, Pinkies. Seriously. While we like to think that we’re keeping ourselves informed by paying attention to the media, really we’re being thrown a lot of negativity and confusion. Somewhere along the way, someone decided that all we needed to hear about are the disasters, deaths, cruelties and misfortunes in the world. Plus, everyone’s opinions about everything add a layer of confusion that is frustrating and frightening to navigate. The way to bust this ghost is to shut off your radio, close the newspaper, and start to focus on all of the kindnesses, beauty, and miracles you see happening around you every day. You might even surround yourself with inspirational stories, such as those showcased by Daran Kagan, the former CNN anchor who got tired of bad news.
Illness. A particularly scary monster. While there is lots you can do to prevent illness from getting to you – avoiding stress, embracing the positive, eating well, exercising, getting rest, expressing your emotions, and treating your body as the temple it is – there are still those of us who fall prey to the beast of disease. If you are sick, rather than engaging in a full-on battle to eradicate whatever has invaded, try approaching it lovingly. Be curious about the subtle gifts and messages the illness has for you. Develop a relationship with this thing that is, like it or not, a part of you, and know that the Universe had a purpose for putting it in your path.
Things unsaid. This ghost can hang between two or more people and negatively affect the relationship. Transparent or invisible though it may be, it’s a presence that’s hard to ignore. It takes courage to speak your truth, but it is the only way to fully express yourself. Speaking your truth is different than saying whatever is on the top of your head. Be mindful of the feelings of the person you’re talking to, and beware of being brazenly nasty or hurtful. Rather, approach the conversation with kindness and care, and know that your honesty is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the other.
Old versions of ourselves. As you’ve begun to find your mojo by owning all of the pieces of yourself, you might experience some major changes – physical, emotional, and spiritual. The transformation may be so dramatic that it’s hard to recognize who you used to be. However, rather than forgetting, dismissing, or denying that you were ever “less” than you are now, embrace that person with love. Know that you had to be there to get here, and that the old you is not a monster, but rather a part of the whole, authentic, beautiful you.
Responsibility. Sure, we have plenty to do to ensure our basic survival, never mind pursue our happiness. It’s not long before the things we do in the interest of living a full life become an overwhelming to-do list, a monkey on our back and an ogre in our way. Make a list of all of your responsibilities. Which are really serving your highest intentions? (Hint: the ones that feel like burdens, or give you a heavy feeling in your chest likely aren’t.) Get back to basics, treating the “menial” day-to-day tasks with pride, dignity, and presence. Dispense with the excess – the list of “shoulds” that disagree with what your inner wisdom is telling you. And don’t forget to ask for help when you need it.