Posts Tagged ‘dream’

Mourning Dreams Lost & Why Pink Community Works

Friday, November 13th, 2009

prayingsmallHiya Pinkies (said with slightly less chipper tone than usual),

I’ve been having a rough week, as those of you who follow me on Facebook and Twitter may have realized. I’ll give you more details about why soon, but suffice it to say that I think I’m going to have to let go of something I care for deeply. I will have to say goodbye to a dream. I will disappoint people and maybe even piss them off. I am mourning the loss of what I thought could be, realizing that I am attached to the fantasy, but the fantasy is not real. It exists only in my head.

How often do we do that? We love “the perfect guy” in our heads, but he’s not really who we want him to be. We attach to a fantasy about friendships, jobs, even luxuries vacations. Christmas morning leaves us longing because our dream of what it would be like to be home with our families doesn’t come true. We WANT to believe. And yet, deep down, we know that the fantasy lacks any basis in reality.

Right now, I’m in the discovery process- trying to sort out whether it’s definitely time to let go of my dream or whether there’s a kernel of hope to be salvaged. But in my gut, I think I know already. So I cry and sit with the sadness. Letting go is arguably the hardest thing we as humans do, isn’t it?

I am- I know- a pretty positive person.  I feel blessed to have the gift of seeing light in dark places, but we cannot always live in a world of roses and violets. Right now, I’m mourning. And yet, I have faith. I know that this is happening to open up room for something else. My path is forking, when I’m dead set on going straight. But why fight it? Better just to fork, maybe.

Let me tell you the good news. I’ve dropped hints about my sadness, to friends, to Pinkies. And my goodness! My inbox is FULL of loving people sitting silently with my story. Love, support, wisdom, and tears meet me right where I am. I am not alone- and neither are you. What we’re doing here at Owning Pink WORKS! Losing my mojo this week has made me realize just how valuable what we are co-creating is, how beautiful it is to have this place, where loving kindness is our religion. The beauty of realizing that, while we are each unique, we share common threads that weave us together into a tapestry that warms us like a patchwork quilt.  We are shifting something here, Pinkies- something is happening. I can feel it. And this week, I got to receive from Owning Pink what it is we have given birth to here. I can claim no credit for this community. All I did was set the intention- that we would hold a sacred space that would envelope the whole planet with love, safety, friendship, and trust. Everything else has been you. YOU are Owning Pink. And I have had pink blessings heaped upon me this week. I bow at your feet in gratitude.

One Pinkie sent me this, and somehow, I just know that this is meant for all of us.

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Feelin’ it,

Lissa

Mojo Monday Exercise: Write the Vision of Your Ideal Life As Though It’s Already Happening

Monday, September 28th, 2009

bw_writingHey Pinksters,

Happy Mojo Monday. Joy here today. I unearthed something most incredible from an old journal today. An artifact from an existence that feels like lifetimes ago, when actually less than a year has passed. On October 6, 2008, I sat in a coffee shop during my lunch break at work and wrote the following in my journal:

I am so extraordinarily grateful to the universe and to myself for having granted this year to devote entirely to my spirituality, creativity, and coaching practice – as well as the means for frequent travel, art classes, etc. I have been able to sleep until fully rested each day, meditate in the quiet of my home and nature for an hour a day, paint, cook, shop, explore, walk with my dog, read, write, visit San Francisco, hang out in coffee shops, visit campus early in the mornings to view the rising mist filtering the golden sun, observe, appreciate, be slow, still, patient, and present.

I feel no obligation to be anywhere but where my heart wishes to be. I immerse myself fully into my coaching training with ample time to focus on the coursework and give 100% of myself to it. On colder days I spend time in front of the fire and in my office engaged in the work of my heart, whatever it may be that day. More and more, my office is beginning to resemble me and become an extension of my soul filled with art, smells and objects that bring peace and comfort to me and all who enter.

I spend weeks and weekends at retreats at Esalen and Spirit Rock and am meeting others who have helped me expand my reach. I am learning from Buddhist gurus, have heard many dharma talks in the area. Penny (my dog) is cared for and loved while I am away and is my best friend and companion on my days spent at or near home.

I am healthy as always – only healthier because I have time to shop for and prepare fresh, organic, delicious food. I visit my sister in DC more frequently and watch my nephew grow. I spend weeks in Florida with my mom. I accompany Matt (partner) on conferences in exciting places that I’ve always wanted to visit and some that I didn’t even realize I needed to see. I am more in touch with this glorious planet than I ever have been and view everything with the awe and amazement that I intended to experience when I choose to incarnate.

I am increasingly excited about coaching and cannot wait to share the wealth of wisdom I have amassed this year with my clients – as well as to learn from them. I spend ample moments in quiet reflection and gratitude and reception of messages from the universe. I become the conduit of wisdom I know I was meant to be and employ my gift of writing to convey these messages. I make an easy and abundant living from this work, made all the more possible by the year I was given to become my biggest and most receptive self, not obliged to anyone or anything for my living.

I am so thankful and filled with joy and excitement for what is to come this year is merely the beginning of an extraordinary, extraordinary and beautiful existence driven by intention and openness and miracles that I will strive to recognize and acknowledge every single day.

At the time, it was a stretch

Now, though it was written in the present tense, was this remotely the life I was living a year ago? Hells no. Had I chronicled my days back then, my journal would have looked more like the following:

Get up at 6 am. Walk to work through gorgeous scenery I’d give anything to spend more time in, but can’t, so don’t bother paying attention. Spend day in airless office feeling empty, purposeless, bored, stressed, and guilty about pets left at home. Always watch clock: be prompt, don’t take too long for lunch, leave at 5 on the nose. Surf internet and eat lots of candy. Walk home. Once a week run out to painting/meditation/other class that is meager attempt at enrichment. More pet abandonment guilt. Over-borrow on vacation time to visit family and entertain friends. More guilt. Resent boyfriend for “talking me into” buying house we could only afford with my salary. Pine for weekends. Resent pets/boyfriend/house obligations for not allowing for more adventure when the weekends did arrive. Kick self for spending weekend “getting life in order” instead of fleeing to wine country or Big Sur. Spend Sunday evening dreading Monday …

And so forth. You get the picture. My life now? Let’s just say that I am doing and experiencing, oh, 85% of the first scenario. I don’t remember the last time I resented someone, felt constrained or obligated, and had anything but joy and appreciation for the work I do. Sure, some endeavors have not yet been realized – like the exotic travel and jewelry-making classes. However, that’s not due to deprivation or a lack of means or possibility … it’s actually because there is so much other amazing stuff filling my days that I’ve had to park those few items on the bucket list for now. I wake up (slightly!) later, for reasons that make me WANT to throw off the covers. I meditate for almost an hour most days, which in itself has been completely transformative. I spend time with my pooch. I walk. I write. I coach. I cook. I field trip to San Fran all the time (AND get to spend days in the breathtaking landscape of OP headquarters in Marin – there are all sorts of little bonuses like this). I take in the astounding miracles of nature all around me. I make my own hours. I connect. I’m inspired. I’m meeting phenomenal people who are proving to me that I can – and will – do whatever I want. I am inspired not only by Buddhists but manymanymany other gurus whom I didn’t even realize existed a year ago. Mine is an “extraordinary, extraordinary and beautiful existence driven by intention and openness and miracles.”

Surely you jest …

Really? Could it be that easy? Does life really align itself around intentions made real by writing them into existence? There’s only one way to find out, I suppose. So, Pinkies, my Mojo Monday invitation to you is to simply – very, very simply – do this:

  1. Grab a notebook and pen.
  2. Sit in a place that inspires you (incidentally, I wrote the above in a coffee shop in which I hoped to spend lots more time during my year of freedom … when it came down to it, though, my preference was to spend lots more time in my lovely house on the hill – one that, despite the Pleap [pink leap of faith] I took last spring extricating myself from the soul-deadening job, we can still miraculously afford).
  3. Write the story of your dream life as if it’s already happening. Too overwhelming? Write out your ideal day. What time would you get up? How would you spend the morning? What does the sun look like coming through the window as you sip your … actually, what are you sipping? With whom will you spend your days? What does your heart call you to do?
  4. Now put it away. You don’t have to believe it will happen, be hopeful, cheerful, or expectant (goodness knows I wasn’t). All you have to do is be clear.

If you feel inspired, please share it with us, Pinkies.

Waiting for you on this side of the miracle,

Joy