Posts Tagged ‘fertility’

See Yourself As Creator: The Divine Lies Within Us All

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

Dear Pinkies, please welcome Pink Goddess Elisabeth Manning, Founder of Conscious Conception Fertility Coaching. Elizabeth helps those who want to be parents find “peace, certainty and partnership with your baby in the creation process.” How beautiful – and how Pink?? This woman exudes peace and positive energy. Needless to say she has had quite an impact on me, and on Owning Pink. The below post by Elisabeth was actually a comment on my post the other day about creating versus procreating. We couldn’t keep the words of this wise and wonderful Pinkie to ourselves any longer. And so, without further ado, please give a warm welcome from your Pink hearts to this incredible Pinkie … one from whom we’ll surely be hearing more!

*****

I cannot begin to tell you the swell of love and appreciation I feel for each open heart in this forum sharing their experience, strength and hope with her Pink family. I am overwhelmed by the love I had no idea was waiting for ME, here, my new Pink “home.” This will be what I get to OWN, and powerfully, so thank YOU. I cannot wait to see what we can create together…

I find my own heart already knowing you, yet longing to connect to each and every one of you individually to hold your heart and tell you, “it is all so perfect; our stories, our journeys, our outcomes, and there is and never was anything ‘wrong.’” Never. All is perfect where we are, we are enough now, in this moment, and exactly where we are supposed to be…

The way I see it? When we get down to it, we came to this “earth school” to:

  1. Live the illusion of separation so we can find our way back to the truth that there is no separation (like drops of water we are, then to drop yourself into the ocean, what are you then? Individual unique expressions of the One, so celebrating and loving the unique chemical combination of YOU as creator, as aspect of creator, is of utmost importance!)
  2. Learn to create and see our creations manifest into physical form. This is what many of us are powerfully discovering n the Law of Attraction, etc but in my book it is imperative we learn how to connect with Source to do this with integrity/ethic and for the highest good)
  3. Along the way we make agreements with other aspects of the One (family, friends, co-workers, strangers whose lives we touch and who touch us) so they can help us take steps. The challenge? So many agreements can appear ugly yet they are our greatest teacher because they help us wake up). Much of our healing is to overcome this, and discern our “stuff” from others’.
  4. We also have agreements with Creator and ourselves that, if we are not clear on, can forget and “listen” to the outside noise, programs, etc thinking it is our own. This is where we get to do the inner work: Who am I? What do I love, how do I find my way back to myself? This is my favorite part when I coach others.
  5. To have experiences. Which helps us remember: it is never about right/wrong, good/bad (third chakra) it is only about “which experience do I want to have?”

Seeing ourselves as Creator

When we are clear that we want to experience ourselves AS CREATOR this definitely is a step in the right direction. Problem I see is, we are limiting ourselves wayyyy too much. Creator at its very essence is LIMITLESS, therefore the first step is to get out of our own way and touch in with that. Meditations to run the limiting pictures and give you an experience of what it feels like to be limitless can begin powerfully here.

I believe we get into trouble when we are missing out on seeing the beauty and respect for ourselves as powerful creators. That can be easily taken for granted. Then when something shows up that we “didn’t want,” we fall victim to the illusion that we are victims “I didn’t ask for that” (but ahhh, if we take on the idea that we attract everything that happens to us– then at some level you did– so let us find that thread to get your power back!), when in reality we are just unconsciously creating. NO need for guilt, blame, that is a waste of precious energy. Just OWN it…

So yes, much unwinding to do if we are to get “right” with our creations. It is all about releasing that which is NOT us, that limits us. These can be very very deep, but I see it loosen and fall away all the time at the energetic level (much more accelerated and we do not have to re-enact our drama to overcome it-otherwise I never would have gotten this far!)

Misunderstood/misaligned creation energy often shows up energetically in a distorted second and fifth chakras. More on this in a later post, as I really can’t stop myself from this subject! It is my life’s work to understand creation and manifestation and there is SO much richness to be explored and discovered, ladies.

My Own Story

The fact that I choose not to have children at 40 is also a part of my story. I made a very conscious choice to give birth to ideas, and to be a midwife for others creations and births in this world. Once I found the core of myself as Creator, and my “Primary Postulate” (life purpose) to “Be in service to the Highest Good: To bring light to the world and positively affect others that we all may be elevated into the greater human potential,” I can DO ANYTHING with this. It was then I got scared, because I actually saw how big that was. =) That is a healthy fear and I have since seen how my creations were leading me to more and yet more creations. Now I am creating a television show – who knew??? But am I scared now? Not a bit. I am a vibrational match to my creations now. It is as though the idea “of course, why NOT?” is now a fun playmate of mine!

To ALL our amazing, beautiful creations in this amazing and beautiful world … I have sooo much gratitude for all of you.

Seeing the Creator in you,
Elisabeth

Sex Is Good For Your Health: A 30 Day Sex Challenge

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Couple-making-love-002

Hiya Pinkies! How’s the second week of 2010 going for you? I just read something that inspired me to write about your favorite topic- SEX (yes, it’s true- the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour is still Owning Pink’s #1 most heavily trafficked post). CNN correspondent Elizabeth Cohen reported about Sadie Nardini and her husband, who resolved to have sex every day in December to help them fight his-and-hers vices: ciggies and chocolate. Lo and behold, guess what happened? Not only did they find their cravings curbed, but they felt better, slept better, and didn’t get the usual winter viruses that typically plague them.

Apparently, their experiment worked so well, they’re planning to continue it into January. My guess is that, in addition to the evident health benefits, Sadie and her husband find themselves more loving, more connected, and hell- more sexually satisfied!

It got me thinking (and feeling a little…uh…sparkly, if you know what I mean). What if, instead of wallowing in the Winter Blues that seem to be afflicting many of the people I know, those of us with ready and willing partners snuggle in front of the fireplace and resolve to whoop it up a bit? After all, sex is good for you. Just ask Dr. Beverly Whipple, a leading sex researcher who famously named the G Spot and just co-wrote The Orgasm Answer Guide. I interviewed Beverly when I was researching my upcoming book What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend. Here are some of the many health benefits to sex and orgasm.

Engaging in acts of sexual expression may:

  1. Help you live longer.[i][ii][iii]
  2. Lower your risk of heart disease and stroke if you have sex twice/week or more.[iv]
  3. Reduce your risk of breast cancer.[v]
  4. Bolster your immune system.[vi]
  5. Help you sleep.[vii]
  6. Make you appear more youthful.[viii]
  7. Improve your fitness.[ix]
  8. Help protect against endometriosis.[x]
  9. Enhance fertility.[xi]
  10. Regulate menstrual cycles. [xii][xiii]
  11. Relieve menstrual cramps.[xiv]
  12. Help carry a pregnancy to full term.[xv]
  13. Relieve chronic pain.[xvi][xvii][xviii]
  14. Help reduce migraine headache pain in some individuals.[xix]
  15. Improve quality of life.[xx][xxi][xxii]
  16. Reduce the risk of depression.[xxiii]
  17. Lower stress levels.[xxiv][xxv]
  18. Improve self esteem.[xxvi]
  19. Improves intimacy with your partner.[xxvii]
  20. Help you grow spiritually.[xxviii][xxix][xxx]

The evidence is mounting. Sex and orgasm aren’t just good – they’re good for you.

So go ahead and resolve to try something sexy for 2010. If you don’t have a partner, don’t worry. Orgasm benefits you, with or without a partner, so fly solo if need be.

What do you think, Pinkies? You all get shy when we start talking about sex, but speak up! Tell us what you think. Share your experiences, and let’s get this party started.

Hot and bothered,

Dr. Lissa


[i] Davey Smith, George, et al.  (1997).  “Sex and Death: Are They Related? Findings from the Caerphilly Cohort Study.” BMJ ? British Medical Journal, 315, 1641–1644.

[ii] Palmore, E.  (1982).  “Predictors of the Longevity Difference: A Twenty-Five Year Follow-Up.”  The Gerontologist, 22, 513–518.

[iii]Persson, G.  (1981).  “Five-year Mortality in a 70-Year-Old Urban Population in Relation to Psychiatric Diagnosis, Personality, Sexuality and Early Parental Death.”  Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 64, 244–253.

[iv] Ebrahim, S., et al.  (2002).  “Sexual Intercourse and Risk of Ischaemic Stroke and Coronary Heart Disease: The Caerphilly Study.” Journal of Epidemiology Community Health, 56, 99–102.

[v] Lê, M.G., et al. (1989).  “Characteristics of Reproductive Life and Risk of Breast Cancer in a Case-Control Study of Young Nulliparous Women.”  Journal of Clinical Epidemiology, 42(12), 1227–1233.

[vi] Charnetski, Carl J. & Francis X. Brennan.  (2001).  Feeling Good Is Good For You: How Pleasure Can Boost Your Immune System and Lengthen Your Life.  Emmaus: Rodale Press, Inc.

[vii] Ellison, Carol Rinkleib.  (2000).  Women’s Sexualities.  Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

[viii] Weeks, David & Jamie James.  (1998).  Secrets of the Superyoung.  New York: Berkley Books

[ix] Ellison, Carol Rinkleib.  (2000).  Women’s Sexualities.  Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

[x]Meaddough, Erika L., et al.  (2002).  “Sexual Activity, Orgasm and Tampon Use Are Associated with a Decreased Risk for Endometriosis.”  Gynecologic and Obstetric Investigation, 53, 163–169.

[xi] Cutler, Winnifred B.  (1991).  Love Cycles: The Science of Intimacy.  New York: Villard Books.

[xii] Cutler, Winnifred B.  (1991).  Love Cycles: The Science of Intimacy.  New York: Villard Books.

[xiii] Burleson, Mary H., et al.  (1991).  “Heterosexual Activity and Cycle Length Variability: Effect of Gynecological Maturity.”  Physiology & Behavior, 50, 863–866.

[xiv] Ellison, Carol Rinkleib.  (2000).  Women’s Sexualities.  Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

[xv] Sayle, A.E., et al.  (2001).  “Sexual Activity During Late Pregnancy and Risk of Preterm Delivery.”  Obstetrics and Gynecology, 97(2), 283-289.

[xvi] Kaplan, Helen Singer.  (1984, October).  “Desire ? Why and How It Changes.” Redbook, 58.  As cited in Komisaruk & Whipple, 1995.

[xvii] Shapiro, D.  (1983).  “Effect of Chronic Low Back Pain on Sexuality.”  Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, 17, 241–245.  As cited in Komisaruk & Whipple, 1995.

[xviii] Whipple, Beverly & Barry R. Komisaruk.  (1985).  “Elevation of Pain Threshold by Vaginal Stimulation in Women.”  Pain, 21, 357–367.

[xix] Evans, Randolph W. & James R. Couch.  (2001).  “Orgasm and Migraine.”  Headache, 41, 512–514.

[xx] Weeks, David J.  (2002).  “Sex for the Mature Adult: Health, Self-Esteem and Countering Ageist Stereotypes.”  Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 17(3), 231–240.

[xxi] Warner, Pamela & John Bancroft.  (1988).  “Mood, Sexuality, Oral Contraceptives and the Menstrual Cycle.”  Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 32(4/5), 417–427.

[xxii] Laumann, Edward O., et al.  (1994).  The Social Organization of Sexuality ? Sexual Practice in the United States.  Chicago: University of Chicago.

[xxiii] Catania, Joseph A. & Charles B. White.  (1982).  “Sexuality in an Aged Sample: Cognitive Determinants of Masturbation.”  Archives of Sexual Behavior, 11(3), 237–245.

[xxiv] Charnetski, Carl J. & Francis X. Brennan.  (2001).  Feeling Good Is Good For You: How Pleasure Can Boost Your Immune System and Lengthen Your Life.  Emmaus: Rodale Press, Inc.

[xxv] Weeks, David J.  (2002).  “Sex for the Mature Adult: Health, Self-Esteem and Countering Ageist Stereotypes.”  Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 17(3), 231–240.

[xxvi] Hurlbert, David Farley & Karen Elizabeth Whittaker.  (1991).  “The Role of Masturbation in Marital and Sexual Satisfaction: A Comparative Study of Female Masturbators and Nonmasturbators.”  Journal of Sex Education & Therapy, 17(4), 272–282.

[xxvii] Weeks, David J.  (2002).  “Sex for the Mature Adult: Health, Self-Esteem and Countering Ageist Stereotypes.”  Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 17(3), 231–240.

[xxviii] Gardella, Peter.  (1985).  Innocent Ecstasy: How Christianity Gave America an Ethic of Sexual Pleasure.  New York: Oxford University Press.

[xxix] Keesling, Barbara.  (2000).  Rx Sex: Making Love is the Best Medicine.  Alameda: Hunter House Inc., Publishers.

[xxx] Ogden, Gina.  (2001, August 14, accessed 2009, November).  “Spiritual Passion and Compassion in Late-Life Sexual Relationships.” [Online]. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality.  http://www.ejhs.org/volume4/Ogden.htm.

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New Pap Smear Guidelines & Why The Holistic Health of Women is in Jeopardy

Friday, November 20th, 2009

docpatientGood morning, Pinkies.  I just heard the news (calm down, Lissa. Breathe…) In the wake of the U.S. Preventative Services Task Force’s new guidelines for mammography screening, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists just announced new recommendations that cut back on Pap smear screening. My blood is boiling, Pinkies. WHAT IS GOING ON? Why are we recommending cutting back on women’s health screening? Don’t get me started (yet). Let me fill you in on the news.

New Pap Smear Guidelines:

  1. Instead of recommending that Pap smear screening begin after you’re sexually active, new guidelines say that even a sexually active 13 year old should wait until 21 for her first Pap.
  2. After 21, Pap smears are recommended every 1-2 years until age 30.
  3. After 30, if you’ve had three consecutively normal Pap smears with no history of a seriously abnormal Pap, new guidelines say you only need to do Paps every three years.
  4. If you’ve total hysterectomy for benign reasons, new guidelines say you can skip Paps altogether.
  5. New guidelines recommend quitting Paps sometime between 65-70 if you’ve had three consecutively normal Paps with no abnormal Paps in the past 10 years.

Why the Change?

There is evidence to support the changes.  The truth is that you’re unlikely to go from having a normal Pap smear to having cervical cancer in 3 years, even if you contract HPV. Because cervical cancer grows slowly, it’s still likely to be precancerous by the time it gets picked up. And yearly screening does increase the number of procedures performed, and some of those procedures- such as cryotherapy and LEEP procedure can affect fertility and pregnancy in rare cases.  Plus, cutting back on Pap smears saves precious health care dollars. And if we’re not saving lots of lives and potentially causing harm by implementing procedures that may not be necessary, why do annual Pap smears?

So these guidelines aren’t positively ludicrous like the new mammogram guidelines that threaten to kill hundreds of thousands of women. I understand why they’re recommending pushing back the age of first Pap smear.  HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer and abnormal Pap smears, is almost ubiquitous among teens. As such, doing Paps will lead to many abnormal results and require colposocopies, biopsies, and possibly treatment such as LEEP procedures, which can affect their pregnancies in the future, leading to scarred cervixes and preterm labor. And many of those abnormalities, if left untreated, would have resolved themselves without treatment.

I can also see why they’ve said that women who have had a hysterectomy can stop getting Paps. After all, they don’t have a cervix. And while there may be scant cervical cells left at the surgical scar inside the vagina, the risk of cervical cancer is exceedingly low.

BUT (and this is a gigantic BUT) there is a GINORMOUS problem here that carries far-reaching consequences for women’s health, and I can’t keep this quiet. Though women come to the gynecologist under the guise of their annual Pap smear, they actually come for WAY more than that.

Here are some examples of issues I handle under the guise of an annual Pap smear exam:

  • Sexual problems that threaten your relationship
  • Debilitating depression and anxiety
  • Chronic fatigue that prevents you from living vitally
  • Pelvic pain, often as the result of sexual abuse you have never confessed to anyone until I hold the sacred space for you and invite you to tell the truth
  • Urinary incontinence that causes so much shame and embarrassment that you might not leave the house, much less exercise or pursue your dreams
  • Menstrual disorders like hemorrhaging or menstrual cramps that cause you to miss work and other important life functions.
  • PMS/PMDD that may be hampering a happy life
  • Interstitial cystitis symptoms that make you feel like you constantly have a UTI
  • Menopausal symptoms that threaten a woman’s relationships, sleep, work, and life
  • Relationship counseling
  • Parenting advice
  • Losing your mojo

And that doesn’t even include the oh-so-necessary annual breast exam, internal pelvic exam to check for ovarian tumors and such, and the opportunity to make sure a woman is up to date on other cancer prevention procedures, such as colonoscopy in older women, or the HPV vaccine for teens.

Now, ACOG does say you should still talk to your doctor about getting an annual pelvic exam. (Thank you ACOG.)  But are insurance companies going to cover a routine pelvic exam in the absence of a Pap smear?  Are women going to go? So many women will hear these new guidelines and think, “Cool! I can skip the gyno for 3 years!”

By changing its guidelines, ACOG is going against the other main authorities on cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society and the U. S. Preventative Services Task Force both recommend that women get their first Pap test within three years of having sex, or at age 21- whichever comes first.

I respect evidence-based medicine and understand the rationale for these guidelines. I went to Duke and Northwestern and learned all the ivory tower beliefs about  practicing based on evidence, not anecdotal speculation or emotion-based care.  BUT….

What Do I Think?

Hmmm…I guess I think all the guidelines that have come out this week are missing something critically important in medicine.   As leaders in women’s health, what messages are we putting out there? Somewhere along the way, governing bodies in medicine have forgotten the most vital aspect of what we doctors do. When they are reviewing data to make these guidelines, they are focusing only on what “cures” someone. But they have forgotten that there is a difference between healing and curing.

Let’s take a huge leap and assume that cancer screening is completely worthless and doesn’t prevent cancer at all. Is there not some value to the other types of healing work we doctors provide under the pretext of the annual Pap smear? Women don’t make separate appointments to talk about their sex life or whether they’re living as vitally as they might.  They lump those things under the umbrella of a Pap smear.  Many women feel like they’ve been handed a “You’re worthless” card at birth.  I try to extract that card and replace it with a hot pink one that says, “You’re lovable, valuable, beautiful, and worthy.” This kind of work cannot be proven in a scientific study. But is taking away a woman’s excuse to visit her gynecologist taking away that hot pink card as well?

I’m not suggesting we do unnecessary testing or procedures just for the sake of getting a woman in the door. Ultimately, you have to be your own advocate for your health and wellness. But I worry about the far-reaching effects these kinds of guidelines will have for women who misunderstand and fail to hear the part about annual exams still being a critical part of women’s wellness.  What if they get lost in the system? Especially underprivileged women, who may not be educated enough to advocate for their own well-being.

My fear is that cutting back on cancer screening will not only increase a woman’s risk of cancer. It may also limit a woman’s access to the kind of healing good doctors can provide.  For most of my young patients, I am their primary care provider.  The Pap smear is what gets them in the door.  If you hear that you only need a Pap smear every three years, you may go three years without anyone talking to you about whether you’re living as healthfully and joyfully as you possibly can.

And you can be sure that insurance will cut back your coverage. If ACOG says you don’t need a Pap smear, your visit will likely only get covered if you have an ICD-9 code diagnosis like endometriosis or fibroids. And let me tell you- there’s no ICD-9 diagnosis for losing your mojo or cancer prevention.

You may think I’m biased. After all, I’m a gynecologist. It’s my business to have people come in for Pap smears, so of course, I would oppose these new guidelines. But the truth is that most gynecologists lose money by doing a Pap smear. The cost of the visit exceeds what insurance companies will reimburse most of the time. And since Medicare already doesn’t cover annual Paps, we usually eat the cost for older women who want to get Pap smears but don’t have coverage. So trust me, for most gynecologists, this is not about money.  One of my dear friends in San Francisco (a total Pink God) is closing his practice- declaring bankruptcy- because he simply can’t make ends meet with a busy insurance-based practice. It breaks my heart. He is one of those doctors who, like me, practices love, with medicine on the side.  Why does the system not embrace him? Why have we replaced doctors like him with technology, scientific data, and task forces? (*crying now*)

And why are they cutting back on only women’s health screening? Why not PSA testing for men? Not to be all conspiracy-theorist on you, but you can’t convince me that there aren’t some sexual politics caught up in all this. With all the advances we’ve made in women’s rights and women’s health over the years, why are we going backwards? Won’t somebody please stand up and shine the light on the Emperor’s new clothes?

I get that we need to cut back on health care costs. But come on, people. Must we do it at the expense of women? Can’t we focus our energy on tort reform or capping profits for insurance companies. Is this really the way?

For me, it’s all about advocating for holistic women’s health- the big kind, the kind that looks at a whole human being, not just a breast or a cervix. The only way we can help women holistically is to get them into our offices, provide a safe, sacred space for healing, and show up- fully present- to help them get in touch with what their body needs to be whole.

What Will I Do In My Practice?
I think you should be given a choice. The way I see it, it’s my job to present the data and help you understand the risks and benefits of cancer screening. If you want to get a yearly Pap smear and mammograms after 40- Fine. If you’d prefer to stretch out your screening or skip it altogether, no problem. It’s your body- your choice. I’m just here to help you understand your options and deal with whatever comes up.

The Bottom Line
Please, Pinkies, regardless of what you decide to do about your Pap smear or your mammogram, please don’t stop seeing a doctor every year.

Our Broken System

Thinking of how these new guidelines may limit your access to health care breaks my heart.

This system is so BROKEN. Hand me the suture and a needle driver. I want to stitch the fragmented, fractured, hemorrhaging heart of medicine back together again.sutured heart

Waiting, with hand outstretched- “Suture, please,”

Lissa

Let’s Talk about Coochies & Boobs

Monday, August 17th, 2009

pussyPlease, Pinkies, help me write my next book! I just signed a book deal with St. Martin’s Press to write a book addressing the secret vagina/ breast/ women’s health questions you’ve always wanted to have answered. The working title is Coochie Confidential: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend. Now I need to know your questions. Will you help? Pretty please?

Some sample questions women have already submitted:
Why do we have pubic hair?
Is there really a G Spot?
Is it true that some women ejaculate when they orgasm?
What’s the average length for a woman’s labia?
Do male gynecologists ever get turned on by their patients?
What’s it like to look at vaginas all day long?
Will my boobs shrink if I breastfeed?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever found in a vagina?
Why does my coochie smell like fish?
What is the most common labia size?
Why is sex so painful sometimes?
Why do we have hymens?
If I lose something in my vagina, what should I do?
Do old ladies get saggy vaginas?
I can’t have an orgasm during intercourse. Is this normal?
I have to get a hysterectomy. Will it make me less of a woman?

Nothing Is Off Limits

Own Your Body and get your questions answered in my next book. Sex, fertility, boobs, urination, odor, pregnancy- you name it. We are women- hear us roar, so let’s banish taboo and finally give the vagina a voice. Nothing is off limits, but do make sure your questions are general and would be applicable to most women.

Ask away, Pinkies. The Doctor Is In. Submit questions in the comments section or Email Me. If you have personal questions that are specific to you and your gynecology issues, please make an appointment to see me at www.clearcenterofhealth.com.  If you don’t live in the Bay area but are interested in talking to me over the phone, please Email me to set up an appointment.

Big Pink Love,
Dr. Lissa

Meeting My Inner Guide

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

When I met Malaya Quinn at Clear Center of Health in Mill Valley, where I am about to start my new job, I never expected we might share so many big dreams. It turns out we are both passionate about women’s health, we’re both encaustic painters, we’re both mothers of daughters, and we love working with small groups of women. Malaya was interested in Clear Center as a venue for teaching her workshops in Creativity & Vitality. Me, I had already been marinating on the idea of developing workshops that combine art, writing, and women’s health, my three big passions. So when I heard her say “workshops” in combination with “creativity,” my ears perked up. I’ve been gestating these ideas for a few months now, since I took the writing workshop at Esalen Institute. I got so much out of it, not just tips on how to be a better writer, but how to be a better listener, even how to be a better person. It inspired me to dig deeper to consider how I might take some of the wisdom of that workshop into my office practice, how I might help facilitate similar growth in women. Imagine if women could grow together, through community, through creativity, and through optimizing their health and well-being, learning, not so much from me as from each other. Malaya clearly shares a similar interest.

When I first met her, I asked Malaya to describe the work she does and she explained that she is trained as an art therapist but she, like me, has worn many hats. The work she is most passionate about includes what she calls interactive imagery, a type of guided meditation similar to shamanic journeys, only with Malaya’s work, you not only envision your gifts, you interact with them. I was intrigued. She went on to describe her own experience, as a woman who had suffered three miscarriages and sought out this type of healing therapy to help her become a mother. Her mentor invited her to visualize her future child, and her future child began to dialogue with her, to give her guidance and comfort. She believes the process opened her womb, allowing her daughter Gracie to ultimately grow and thrive. Now seventeen years later, she is serving women with this same sort of healing therapy, not just for treatment of fertility, but for artistic blocks, entrepreneurial inspiration, creative exploration, and people in transition- be it illness, loss of a loved one, divorce, or career change- who need assistance reconnecting to their creativity in order to move forward in life with more vitality.

Malaya’s work sounds exactly like the kind of work I want to bring into my life, not just personally but professionally, as I strive to set up workshops that help women find balance in their life, as I encourage them to get in touch with their creativity, by tending to the health of their bodies, and by communing with other women with similar goals. Curious to know more, I asked if I could schedule a session with Malaya, so yesterday, we met.

Not knowing what to expect, I arrived at Sausalito Healing Arts, where Malaya lead me into a quiet, fragrant room. I closed my eyes, while she lead me in an exercise of deep breathing, inviting me to relax into my chair, breathe into my heart, and expand my third eye. Then she asked me to visualize a place where I feel completely comfortable, a place of peace and beauty. She gave me a few minutes to allow the image to appear, and when a natural hot spring perched on a cliff above the Pacific appeared in my mind’s eye, she asked me to describe it to her. I told her about the warm water, the baby otters playing down below, the far-off crashing of the waves. The cold fog on my chilled arms offered a welcome foil to the steamy water inside the pool. The air smelled like salt, seaweed, and sulfur. I could hear seagulls and distant voices. I was alone in my pool, lying down, reclining on the edge. It was springtime.

With my image fully formed, she asked me to visualize my Inner Guide, and my mind raced through a slide show of images before settling on a pale, thin, wispy woman who was older than me, but younger than my mother. The woman reminded me of my favorite Aunt Trudy, only I haven’t seen Trudy look this radiant since her cellist son died years ago. I got a little teary, thinking of my cousin Corry and how much it hurt to lose him, but I felt somehow reassured by the presence of this airy Trudy-like woman. She had a soft voice and blonde/grey hair and she was patient and quiet- a good listener. Mostly, she was not afraid. She was wearing scarves and drapes, but then she undressed and got in the pool with me. I named her Willow.

At this point, Malaya invited me to ask Willow a question, so I asked her whether I should move to Marin. Willow said she had lost someone here, and it would be nice to visit. I asked whether I should take this new job, and she said, “For now.” Unsettled by the seeming uncertainty of the answer, I asked her why not forever, and she said, “Nothing is forever.”

Malaya then asked me what gifts Willow might have for me, and I saw, sitting beside the pool, a tray of objects. On the tray was my Anything Box, a figurine of a man with a beard, a red ball, a tiny purple church, a green metal bell, and a violin. She told me to take them down to the beach and put them where they belong, not now, but later.

Malaya asked what gift I might give Willow, and I said, “I want to give her a painting, but she only wants Time.” Malaya asked if I would be willing to give her that, and I nodded, promising to visit her, to talk to her, to give her more time in my busy life. Malaya then closed the meditation, grounded me back in my chair in Sausalito. Smiling at me, she asked if anything surprised me. I said I was surprised my spirit guide looked like my Aunt Trudy, and it made me want to call her. I was also surprised how quickly I could step outside of the details of my world and be transported to another time and place, with her coaching. The tray of gifts surprised me too, since I don’t know where they came from or what they mean. She told me it would come to me. Malaya then encouraged me to return to my place of peace and call on Willow, any time I felt I needed guidance, and I promised to do so.

She then offered me some homework. She asked me to look at the voices in my head, particularly the critical ones, and simply pay attention to them. She also suggested I write in my journal with absolutely no expectations, to see what happens. Offering words of encouragement, she said she believes I am on exactly the right path, and the practice of medicine needs me, since I bring many gifts the profession lacks. She said I’m a shapeshifter, wafting back and forth between doctor and artist, and I am on a hero’s journey all my own. No one has paved the path before me, so I must forge my own way. This I know. She encouraged me to follow my passion and to remember that, within the word “passion” is Pass- I- On. She nudged me, metaphorically, since that’s how she works, to simply act as a conduit for those who need me, to pass myself on in the act of healing, to trust that this will be enough.

She explained to me that her methodology would differ, depending on what her client needed. For some, expressive arts in the form of dance or dramatic therapy might allow their actions to speak louder than their words. For others, drawing, painting, or creating in some other way might be in order. She never knows exactly where each session will go, but it always ends up right where it was supposed to go. In my case, she invites me to make a painting that reflects this session. The painting can then act as an oracle, guiding me, inspiring me, and reminding me of these moments down the road. I promise her I’ll paint one.

Later, over lunch, we brainstormed about how we might combine the healing gifts we bring. We marveled over how different but complementary our respective tool bags were. In mine, I hold twenty years of medical knowledge and experience, plus skills for painting, writing, and relating. In hers are exercises for rebalancing your IQ with your MQ (metaphor quotient), getting in touch with your truest creative self, linking your lineage to your legacy, tending the fire of your soul, recognizing and reconfiguring inhibiting thinking patterns, forming a whole new mind capable of freely dialoguing with imagery, symbol and myth, and developing a heartfelt sense of self, purpose, belonging, and possibility. (Wow- her toolbox sounds way cooler than mine!)

Later that day, I passed three signs with the word Willow on them, and I wondered if my Inner Guide was playing tricks on me. Literally, one of them was a crossroads, where Willow Street intersected another one. I was trying to figure out which way to go and my GPS had failed me. Instead of telling me where to go, the GPS said, “Awaiting satellites,” but the satellites never came. So I decided to take Willow, and I got where I meant to go, only to find out I wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. Figures.

Then, later that day, I got an email from my mother reminding me that it was the six year anniversary of my cousin Corry’s death. I had forgotten, in my conscious mind. But in my meditative state with Malaya, Willow had reminded me to call my Aunt Trudy. I will call her today to tell her how much I miss Corry, how sorry I am that we all lost him, here in the Bay area, where Willow seems to be guiding me to move. I will tell her how she looks like my Inner Guide, how I would love to have her join me in my warm pool on the ocean cliff, how I’d appreciate her help as I ponder the message of the purple church, the red ball, the green bell, and the little man with the beard.

But for now, I am excited to imagine where all this could lead. The possibilities seem endless…But stay tuned. Something is brewing, and I have a feeling it’s going to be really healing, both for me and for those involved. You never know, when you’re tiptoeing down an uncertain path, where you’ll ultimately end up, but as Willow says, “For now” it feels like the right thing to do.