Posts Tagged ‘life coach’

Owning Your Body: Your Most Trusted Advisor

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Dearest Pinkies, please welcome Stacey Curnow, a wonderful writer and beautiful spirit we found milling around the Pink Posse Blog. Stacey works as a certified nurse-midwife and life coach in North Carolina. Check out her work and her blog at www.midwifeforyourlife.com. Please give Stacey a warm welcome, and enjoy her wise words on the wisdom of the body.

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I consider my body my most trusted advisor. I think it assimilates information from the Universe that I can’t understand fully at first. You see, I know the Universe wants my best life, but sometimes I don’t heed its advice – sometimes I’m convinced I don’t even hear it.

It’s like Oprah says: Life sends you messages – first it will put a pebble in your path, then a rock, and then a brick wall. If I don’t hear the plink of the pebble, the rock shows up – usually as a bodily symptom. I pay attention because I really want to avoid hitting that brick wall.

If I ignore my body’s messages, it’s capable of great drama. In fact, I’ve seen my body produce some Oscar-worthy performances.

I work as a nurse-midwife in a hospital. I consult with physicians when I am caring for a woman who is considered high-risk and occasionally I don’t agree with the physician’s plan for managing a particular case.

One night I told a doctor that I was disinclined to follow his plan and he responded by saying, “That’s why I’m here, to tell you what to do.” Those weren’t his exact words, but you get the point.

I knew the doctor’s plan was not going to cause harm and I didn’t want further conflict, so I followed his orders. Within a few hours I lost my voice. My throat hurt and I couldn’t speak above a whisper.

As soon as I got home I looked up laryngitis in my well-worn copy of Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. I believe the book provides clues to understanding the messages underlying an illness or imbalance in your body. If you decipher these messages and, more importantly, act on them by changing your thinking, you will improve your life.

For laryngitis she writes that the probable cause is “So mad you can’t speak. Fear of speaking up. Resentment of authority.” I was struck by the truth of this: I was mad. I had been afraid to speak up to the doctor. And I resented that he didn’t seem to value my expertise.

The new thought pattern she offers is “I am free to ask for what I want. It is safe to express myself. I am at peace.” I applied this new thought to my mind like a healing balm and got my voice back quickly after that.

The affirmation also helped me gain insight into the fact that I don’t need to compel the doctors to agree with me or even to see my side. All I can do is use my best judgment and present a plan of care. And trust that all is well.

For me, being at peace means that my worth is not predicated on others valuing me. I value me.

Since that epiphany I’ve had other differences of opinion with my physician colleagues but I haven’t had that sense that my value as a practitioner was diminished. And I’ve never lost my voice again.

Many of my coaching clients are women in their middle years and a common issue is insomnia. We all know that there are lots of suggestions for how to improve your sleep through better habits – like eliminating caffeine, increasing magnesium, exercise, routine bedtimes and getting acupuncture. All of these strategies address the hormonal changes that come with menopause.

But insomnia is often a way our body clues us into a deeper truth about ourselves. Christiane Northrup, M.D., in her excellent “The Wisdom of Menopause,” writes that insomnia and fatigue are frequently “the result of unprocessed and unresolved emotions such as anger, sadness, or anxiety,” which accompany the enormous changes of midlife.

She encourages her readers to identify the emotions that challenge them and look for their underlying meanings. Are you anxious about a daughter getting into her preferred college? Do you feel guilty about the things haven’t gotten done in a day? Do you feel resentful that everything seems to depend on you?

Louise Hay’s affirmation for insomnia is “I lovingly release the day and slip into peaceful sleep, knowing tomorrow will take care of itself.” When you have good sleep “hygiene,” when you address the probable causes — and when you release the negative emotions that occupy your waking life—you will, most likely, find yourself able to sleep like a baby.

You don’t need a copy of Louise Hay’s or Christiane Northrup’s books (although I highly recommend them!) because all you really need to know is that if you ignore the wisdom available to you, your body can create a painful drama.

On the other hand, the Universe wants you to know that you are worthy of love and respect and you can have a life filled with health, happiness, connection and joy – you just have to listen.

Do you think your body may be trying to tell you something right now?

Paying loving attention,

Stacey

Mojo Monday: Start Again in 2010 with a Vision Board

Monday, December 28th, 2009
visionboard(2)

Leslee Horner's Vision Board for 2009

Hey Pinkies! Happy Mojo Monday. Please welcome back Leslee Horner, author of the blog Waiting For The Click and prolific Pink Goddess. Leslee brings us a perfect exercise for the last Mojo Monday before the New Year. What about manifesting all the ways we see ourselves claiming our Mojo in 2010? This exercise allows us to own not just creativity, but really, anything we want. Thank you, Leslee, for opening our minds ever further to all of the magical possibilities that await us in the New Year and always. Enjoy, Pinkies!

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Towards the end of 2008, I had a realization that despite all my spiritual growth there were still some major pieces missing from my puzzle.  And as 2009 approached I wanted change in my life.  I’d read and watched The Secret and was well aware of vision boards and their power.  I’d made one of my own but the process in which I created it lacked the love and intention necessary for magic to happen.  When my friend, life coach Elizabeth Barbour, told me about her New Year’s day retreat called “Design a Divine 2009”, in which the day would center around creating vision boards, I signed up immediately.

Reflection

It turned out to be an amazing way to start the year.  The weeks leading up to the workshop I spent thinking about what I wanted to manifest in my life.  First and foremost was love.  I’d come to believe that my heart was closed and I wanted something to open it.  I wanted to reconnect with my husband and once again experience the passion that had faded since we entered parenthood.  Next I thought about my career goals.  I wanted to spend my days writing and building on my abilities in that regard.

Creation

On the day of the workshop we began with meditation.  Afterward we were instructed to look through magazines and choose pictures that would represent our desires in 2009.  We were also told to be open to the pictures that would choose us.  After an hour or so of picture hunting, I began to construct my vision board using all the images I found.  In the center of my board I placed an image of a huge pink flower.  It was there to represent my desire to BLOOM.  Who knew I was Owning Pink before I’d even heard that phrase?!?  I placed a lot of pictures and phrases that represented love and my desire for closeness with friends and family.  The corner of the board devoted to career contained a picture of an author I admire, a woman working on a computer, and lots of books.  Other pictures represented health, wellness, and spirituality.  The images that chose me were a picture of a train traveling down a mountain, a picture of a girl playing guitar, and the phrase “Something big is coming.”  When my board was complete I was astounded by the beauty of it and the feelings it invoked within me.

Manifestation

For a year now the board has hung over my dresser in the bedroom.  I look at it everyday, at least once.  Some of the intentions have manifested and other images have become symbols for emotions or challenges I’ve encountered.  On Valentine’s Day my husband and I had a long talk about our desires for our marriage and I can safely say that our relationship now includes as much love and passion as it ever has.  I thank my lucky stars everyday for our partnership!  I also now find that I am that woman at the computer, writing away.  Among the many BIG things that came this year, one of them was starting my blog “Waiting for the Click.”  After taking my step into the blogosphere I joined Twitter, connected with Lissa Rankin, and acquainted myself with this beautiful Pink world!  My heart has certainly cracked open this year and many friends and spiritual companions have found a place in it.  I am forever grateful for the lessons and gifts that 2009 has brought me.

Stepping Forward

On January 1, 2010 I will attend Elizabeth’s 3rd annual retreat.  This year she has named it “2010: Begin Again.”  I find that my goals this year are quite different then last year.  The joy of having this wide open heart is that my highest desire is to see others experience joy, success, love, and peace.  Unfortunately most (or all) of you Pinkies reading this will not be able to hang with Elizabeth and me on New Year’s day, but maybe you can hold your own “2010: Begin Again” retreat.  You’ll be amazed at what you can invite into your life!

Make Your Own Vision Board

Here is a list of all you need to get started:

  1. Magazines!  (If you don’t have a collection on hand, head to your nearest public library where you should find some that can be purchased with spare change.)
  2. Posterboard, scissors, glue
  3. Desires, Intentions, and an open mind!
  4. *Optional* Friends and family to share in the joy of designing your vision for the year!

Happy New Year’s Pinkies!  And as a friend of mine on Twitter always says: “See you on the flip side!”  When we get there, I hope you will be basking in the joy of your own creations!

Here’s to us,

Leslee

Lissa’s Note: Thank you Leslee! You rock, sister. I can’t wait to make mine. Funny thing- we had just finished drafting your post, Leslee, when I saw that Pink Goddess Kris Carr, author of Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, posted about Vision Boards too. Check out her fabulous post for more vision board inspiration.


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Owning Self-Doubt & Being Present With What Is

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

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Hey Pinkies, Joy here. Remember the other week, when I was all “Bring it on!” with regard to everything that was afoot in my life? Well, I invited it, it came, and now I have no idea what the hell to do with it all.

Riding the Rapids of Transformation

Let me back up. You’ve probably seen references here and there about my training to become an integral coach. I started school back in February, when my classmates and I were given our own personal development work to do for the year. Mine gripped me so fast and powerfully that my life began to transform almost faster than I could keep up with it. One of the many realizations I came to was that my working life as it was wasn’t cutting it for me. It wasn’t long after that that the golden opportunity to come and work alongside Lissa Rankin herself was presented, and I leapt eagerly, leaving security and rationality on the side of the abandoned highway, kicking at the dirt with their hands in their pockets.

As you’ve seen, it’s been beautiful. It’s been exactly what I needed – it has given me not only the space and support I’ve needed to concentrate on my coaching, but the like minds of the Pink community have enabled me to be my authentic self every step of the way … something that is vital when one is diving down further into the depths of one’s soul with such frequency.

And so the year has passed, and I find myself just over a month away from certification as a coach. As I write up my cases, review what I have learned, and reflect on my own development and that of my clients, I sit back in my chair, take a deep breath, stretch my arms in the air, exhale slowly, and say …

I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

None. Not an inkling. I mean, I know I’ve been here, been present – in fact, my work centered on getting into my body, setting intentions, following through, speaking my truth, and taking up space. But now that all the work I’ve done – alone, with clients, and with you Pinkies– is culminating, all I can focus on is

What I could have done better. Or done at all.

My self-doubt is at an all-time high. I’m convinced I’ve done nothing for my clients, and just as convinced that, despite all of the breakthroughs and aha moments and emotionally-draining hours of self-exploration, that I’m exactly the same as when I began. Yes, my circumstances are different, but I am not. Yes, everything around me has changed – my job, my friends, my focus, my life – but I am who I was. I haven’t “improved” at all. I’m in no position to help anyone.  How can I coach anyone when I am still so … not where I thought I would be?

What Were You Expecting?

I guess that’s at the heart of it, really. Expectation. Across this entire year of uncertainty and changes and risks and shifts, I at least have had that carrot dangling at the end of it all: I’m going to be a coach! It occurs to me that as my work has deepened, it has seeped into my bloodstream and snuck into my bones. It is part of me now, and as such, there is no becoming to do; no end in sight. I am there. This, the present moment, is exactly what it looks like. It’s how it always was going to look, and how it always will look.  You know that Jon Kabat-Zinn book, Wherever You Go, There You Are?  Beautiful and eloquent in theory – fucking TERRIFYING when you’re standing nose-to-nose with what that really means.

Living Into the Moment

I know it’s no accident that I’m experiencing these massive waves of doubt now as I am smacked in the head again and again that all there is – all there has ever been – is me in this moment. And that THAT is the essence of being a coach, at least for me. I have no more or greater wisdom than any of my clients, and I am no “different” than I was at the outset … I am just more fully me. All I can do to aid another in his or her self-discovery is to continue to have mine, one explosive and scary moment at a time. What this has always been about is stepping into life in all its breathtaking, frightening, and exquisite moments. I feel the fear so intensely because I feel EVERYTHING more intensely.

Terror Is A Good Sign

I know all this doubt means that I’m on the verge of something big … another soul-shaking moment of realization to add to the pile. At the doorstep of every transformation is a whole lot of turmoil – the pain that is required for growth. And so, I’ve decided to own this self-doubt along with aaaaalll the other stuff.

So forward I will go. I’ll write up my case studies and embrace all of the “mistakes” I’ve made. I’ll review my year and plan out my practice using everything I’ve learned and all of the resources available to me in the moment. I’ll freely admit to teachers, peers, and even clients that I feel clueless and afraid, rather than trying to stuff it down and proceed with a hollow confidence.

And I will remain ever-grateful to you, Pinkies, for allowing me to be vulnerable, and afraid, and confused, and alive, and whole.

Not doubting the doubt – not anymore,
Joy

Are You Becoming Your Mother? (And How to Resolve That Feeling)

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

goodwitchbadwitch wickedHiya, Pinkies! Please give three PINK cheers for our newest Mojo Mentors, Good Witch Lakenda Wallace and Bad Witch Simone da Rosa. They will be our Get Happy! Less Stress/More Life Mojo Mentors and wanted to share some thoughts about your mother and you. (You know you have issues…) Please welcome them, Pinkies!

GoodWitch: There are few things more stressful than recognizing your mother in yourself.

BadWitch: I never understood that. Not only was that not stressful for me, but as a teenaged girl, I thought, “If I could just end up being half the woman my mother is, I’ll be all right!”

GW: I love that anomaly in you. Every time you tell me stories about how your mother parented, I’m bloody impressed! Unfortunately, for the majority of us, the baby doesn’t come with a user’s manual and mothers learn on the fly—which means some human mistakes. So a lot of my parenting comes in doing the opposite of what my mother did. When I see echoes of my mother in my parenting style, it’s stressful.

BW: Not all women even want to be mothers, despite admiring their own greatly. For me, when my mother shows up in the mirror, it’s a good thing for me knowing I’m on track in the higher way she intended for me. Her “shadow” is like my conscience — although I am quite clear where she ends and I began a long time ago as my own adult. I just dig her.
GW: For me, it’s an opportunity to forgive and practice forgiveness. I see my mother’s Automatic Stress Reactions (ASR) come out in my parenting sometimes, and it’s an opportunity for me to stop, rethink and redo. But the even bigger opportunity is to forgive. I know my mother was working with the best tools she had at the time, so I can let go of the resistance to being like her in that situation and just come up with my own way of being. Very freeing.

BW: How do we help other women come to terms with the relationship with their Mother/Themselves?

GW: Forgiveness is huge.

BW: Forgiveness of her and yourself.

GW: The moment you recognize that you’re being your mother, it’s like an alarm clock going off in your head. It gives you the opportunity to stop what you’re doing. ‘OMG, I sound just like my mother!’ And then you can choose a different path. But the forgiveness piece is necessary to help you separate. That was my mother’s way of being, it was the best she could do. This is how I will do it.

BW: And if your mother was annoyingly “psychic” and knew when you cut class, you can forgive that or…whatever! (hee) That’s pretty cool to be so connected with your child. And to be known so intimately by another—your mother. Then go on to celebrate how deeply and enduringly her influence — good and human alike — helped make you the best woman you know how to be today, all the while knowing she’s still in your corner cheering you on to reach new higher heights. Mommies can rock more than the cradle.

GW: It’s about recalling the good and bad times. Even with an abusive mother, there were times where her higher intentions showed up. There are going to be ways of being, like knowing when you cut class, that are helpful for you. It’s about recognizing the good and the bad and choosing the best to take away from that.

BW: Amen, sister!

What about you Pinkies? Do you have Mommy issues? Does it make you crazy when you see your mother in yourself? Please share your thoughts and feelings…

Gigantic Pinkie love to you all,
Lakenda & Simone

Lakenda Wallace, Good Witch, and Simone da Rosa, Bad Witch

Lakenda Wallace, Good Witch, and Simone da Rosa, Bad Witch

Mojo Monday: Imagine Your Dream Life And Write Your Obituary

Monday, September 7th, 2009
rozsavage

Roz Savage in her boat

Hiya Pinkies and Happy Mojo Monday! Today’s Mojo Monday exercise was inspired by Roz Savage, who changed her life by writing two versions of her obituary. Roz was living the life many of us grow up believing to be the dream. She had a successful career, a husband, a home, a sports car, and money, but Roz felt something was missing.

Roz Savage Chose Which Life To Live
Faced with a choice, she challenged herself to an exercise- to write two obituaries, one for the life she was living, one for the life she dreamed she might live. “One-by-one, I shed the trappings of my old life,” she posted on her blog. Checking them side by side, Roz decided her life needed to change. “Little by little I began to realign my life, to put myself on track for the obituary I really wanted.” Since then, she has rowed solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Now, she faces further challenges but is living her bliss, as she rows solo across the Pacific Ocean, trying to raise awareness about the environment.roz savage

My Own Pink Leap of Faith

I can relate to Roz, because I already ditched the life that didn’t suit me. I quit the fancy doctor job with the six figure price tag. I dumped the husband who treated me like dirt. I pursued my art and my writing with vim and vigor, and then I started Owning Pink, with nothing more than a Field of Dreams vision and no clue whether they would come if I built it.

You might call me crazy, reckless, even. You might think me self-absorbed, even narcissistic. And you may think whatever you wish. But the truth is, I don’t care anymore.  I reached a point, after decades of trying to please everyone, when I was ready to stop living the life others wanted for me and start living my own life. When my father died at 60, I realized that life is short- and precious. When he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and realized he only had 3 months to live, he realized he was already living the life he dreamed of living. But was I? HELL NO! Losing Dad (within two weeks of giving birth to my daughter, losing my dog and having my healthy young brother wind up being evaluated for a liver transplant after taking the antibiotic Zithromax) made me reevaluate. If I knew I would die in a year, would I still live the life I was living. No way. So I took a pleap- quit my job, uprooted my family, and began walking a path that landed me at Owning Pink. With no safety net and no sugar Daddy to support me, I had to leap all the way. I had to believe. It required faith.

If I Knew I Was Dying, I Wouldn’t Change a Thing

Today, if I found out I would die in a year, I would do exactly what I am doing. I would see patients 1-2 days/week at CLEAR Center of Health, because connecting intimately with women, helping them get their health and their mojo back, fills me to the brim. I would paint. I would write books. I would be with my husband and daughter. And most importantly to me, I would be here with you Pinkies. Why not travel? Finish all the things on my bucket list? My bucket list is for living. If I was dying, I would want my routine, filled with love, joy, peace, and authentic community. But that’s just me.

Are You Living the Authentic Life You Want?
What about you Pinkies? If you knew you would die in a year, would you live the life you’re living? Are you stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like you? Do you wonder how you ended up where you are? Do you think about shaking it up and taking a pleap (Pink Leap of Faith)? What might your life look life if you were willing to sacrifice security, summon all your courage, and venture into the unknown?

Now pull out your journal, Pinkies. It’s time for your Mojo Monday exercise.Obit

1. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to breathe deeply, focusing your attention on the moment of peace at the end of each out-breath. Notice how your body settles into the rhythm of each breath. Allow your mind to rest a bit.
2. Now, continuing with your deep breathing, write your obituary based on how you are living your life right now, assuming you take no daring risks. Be specific.
3. Return to your breath. Pay attention to the moment of peace at the end of each out breath.
4. Now allow yourself to follow your bliss in your mind. Send your inner critic to time out and banish fear from your mind altogether. Answer this question- What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
5. Now write a second obituary based on the belief that you are living that life.

Don’t just read this exercise, Pinkies. PLEASE DO THIS EXERCISE. You don’t have to share it with us. Maybe that feels too scary for you right now. But promise me you’ll try this. If you feel inspired, please do share what you’ve written with us. We can bear witness to the life your mind has dreamed up. If you feel brave, we can support you while you start to live it….

Remember, you haven’t died yet. Your life is still unwritten. You may not be able to control every aspect of how your life will play out- and don’t try. Understand and rejoice in the mystery of the unknown. But dreaming starts the process. Without dreams, we stagnate. Let’s fertilize our lives and GROW, Pinkies!

Watching you bloom,
Lissa