Pregnancy | OwningPink

Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Creating and Procreating: Owning What Wants to be Born

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I’ve been thinking about having another baby for four years now. Because I was the ripe old age of 36 when my daughter Siena was born, we started talking about it right away. In fact, my husband and I were so certain we were meant to have at least one more baby that I took my IUD out when Siena was eight months old and we were all ready to go at it again.

Then my stay-home Daddy husband cut two fingers off his left hand with a table saw and all hell broke loose. So we tabled the idea for at least a year, because Matt had pins in his hand from 8 hours of surgery and couldn’t even a change a diaper. Then he had to get two more surgeries. Then we were switching health insurance plans, so I couldn’t get pregnant. It was literally one thing after another.

But I’ve finally come to a certain peace about the fact that I don’t think I will be having another child (sniff, dab). Now, I’m almost 41 and it just seems like the time has passed, and I’m okay with that. But there’s this little pang when I think about it. It’s almost enough to make me rethink my decision to put my IUD back in…but not quite. Recently, I was talking to Pink Goddess Dana- who has been volunteering her time to Owning Pink to help us turn it into a Pink Business (more on that soon, Pinkies!), and I realized that I’ve been gestating and giving birth for over four years now- and I’m a little tired. In the past four years, I’ve been busy giving birth to ME.

How it all came to pass

It all started January 6, 2006, when Siena was born. By the spring of that year, the idea that I might leave my job as a full-time OB/GYN was planted, and by later that year, I had taken a Pleap (Pink leap of faith) by quitting my job. I spent most of 2007 gestating what a truly whole health medical practice could look like and dreaming about being of service in a whole new way. That same year, I wrote a memoir. In 2008, I joined an integrative health practice and nurtured the little seed in me until it blossomed. In 2008, I grew Owning Pink in my belly and gave birth to it in April 2009. In December 2009, I gave birth to two more books. Now, I’m about to do it all again by starting the Owning Pink Wellness Center in April 2010. And then, I’ll write my next book.

What wants to come through?

Which leaves me with little time or energy for allowing a baby spirit to grow into a human being inside my womb. With this realization comes more than a wee bit of angst. Am I being selfish for denying my daughter the opportunity to have a sibling? Have I become a work-aholic with no balance in life? Am I expending my creative energy wisely or might I be better off slowing down and growing my family?

To be honest, I just don’t know. All I know is that the urge to create businesses and books seems to be stronger for me than the urge to procreate. And since I already feel torn between my commitment to serving my patients and Owning Pink and my commitment to motherhood, my inclination is to protect myself from feeling torn even further. Why create more conflict for myself?

Priorities?

Some might judge this as un-feminine. They might think I’m a bad mama or that my priorities are not straight. And they’re welcome to their opinion. But me? I’ve just gotta OWN it. It is what it is. That’s how I feel, that God is using me as a vessel to give birth to other creations, that every book, every blog post, every workshop, every patient encounter is a co-creation between the two of us, that I am becoming a mother over and over again, every time I tap into the divine spark and create something new.

And yet it doesn’t look how others expect it to look. I’m not feeding new blonde beings into the Mill Valley preschool system. I’m not buying new Pink clothes for a sister for Siena. I’m not sitting in the stirrups pushing a baby out into this world. But damn, it sure feels like I am. I feel like I mother at least a dozen new creations right now. Which leaves me feeling like I don’t need to get pregnant again to serve my life’s purpose.

Opinions

Believe me- others feel differently. My mother would love to have another grandchild. Siena’s preschool teacher would love to meet a baby brother. Even some psychic a friend hired to read me said I had two more baby spirits waiting to get born. But I have to be okay with that. I have to live with the uncertainty, the possible regret, the fact that my family doesn’t look exactly the way I imagined it when I was a little girl dreaming of white picket fences.

It all comes down to creation

Creation can get confusing, can’t it Pinkies? There are days when I can’t tell how my creative forces are best expended. Should I dance with the Divine and co-create a new message to share with the world? Should I co-create a new series of art? Should I co-create new writings? Should I co-create another baby? It gets muddy, I’ll admit. I get confused as hell. We all just do the best we can and pray that what we create is done from a place of the highest intentions and the noblest part of our souls. Then we surrender to living in the muck. (A special thank you to Baby Spirit Coach Elisabeth Manning for helping me sort all this out in my mind!)

What about you Pinkies? Do you ever confuse your creative energy? Can you tell what you’re supposed to create next? Do you think giving birth to babies in any way resembles giving birth to businesses, art, writing, or other creative projects? Am I totally off my rocker here?

Let’s talk about this. I honestly think it’s such rich, juicy stuff. Giving birth is so inherently what we as females are all about that it nearly defines us. Yet, can’t we expand our concept of what it means to bring life into the world? How many creations have you squelched to give birth to babies? How many babies have you neglected to have because you were busy in business? Are you so busy serving your community, your family, or your job that you’ve forgotten to give birth to YOU?

Dana, I’d love it if you’d explore this conversation in another post- maybe help us talk about sacred commerce, balancing our creations, and bringing Pink into the workplace. And Pinkies- if you have wisdom to share, post comments, write a blog post on the Posse blog, or send something you write to Joy@OwningPink.com. I’d love hear more about what you all think…

Let’s talk, dear ones….

Creating & creating & creating,

Lissa

Tags: art, business, creativity, giving birth, owning pink wellness center, pregnancy
Posted in Alternative Health, Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Balance, Owning Creativity, Owning Surrender, Owning You | 42 Comments »

Owning Pleasure: Removing Guilt From Our Diets

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

Hello dear Pinkies, please welcome back Dr. Suzanne Bouffard, prolific pink goddess, here with some wise and fascinating thoughts on how we might alter our diets – and our mindsets – to better nurture the pink spark within.

****

I had to go all the way to Montreal to find the croissant – the one I’d been seeking since I returned from living in France ten years ago. And then, finally, there it was, on its own little white plate like the jewel it was. It tasted like butter, like the Alps, like pleasure. But it tasted like something else, too. It tasted like guilt.

I know well the versatile flavor of guilt. It seasons zucchini bread and cupcakes and French fries and bagels. It lends a subtle seasoning to foods that are new to me or that I consume in too-large quantities. It’s a recipe staple, like salt.

But in one essential respect, it isn’t. When you take the salt out of a recipe, you lose something. When you take the guilt out of it, you gain.

When Resolutions Don’t Work

For years, I’ve made and then reliably broken a string of resolutions to remove guilt from my diet. Each resolution was tied to a milestone, each milestone to an event invested with the weight of how I see myself and how others see me. I’ll remove the guilt and all of it s flavor after this dance performance, after the wedding, after I get pregnant. The broken resolutions have now piled up high enough for me to see that a different strategy is needed, and the sooner the better, because I’m tired of the other flavors being eclipsed in some of my favorite foods.

Here’s what I’ve decided: I need other flavors with which to replace the guilt. I need to keep a tub of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Guilt” in my fridge. And in my desk drawer at work, and in my purse, and…

What Might We Relish?

So here’s my challenge, to myself and to all you Pinkies: what other flavors can we find and relish in our food to replace the guilt, or the other sour flavors we might find there?

This is a trickier business than it might at first appear. Many of us experience feelings about food that we don’t realize are destructive. It’s too easy for us to find in our food love, acceptance, refuge, and other emotions that are positive but not helpful or appropriate when applied to food. So what flavors are the really good ones, the ones that are both appetizing and nourishing?

Here are a few that I’ve come up with recently:

This homemade chocolate truffle tastes like a deep breath on a harried day.
This glass of Rioja tastes like good fortune and the gratefulness that goes along with it.
This Thai Basil Chicken tastes like laughter with good friends.
This shared chocolate chip scone tastes like a moment of intimacy with my husband.
This slice of Gouda tastes like a lingering long weekend, neither commonplace nor extraordinary, neither over nor under-appreciated.

What about you, Pinkies? What sweet or savory flavors can you find in your food, especially in foods that are often heavily seasoned with sour tastes and especially in foods that you only treat yourself to once in awhile? What kind of Pink Recipe Book can we create to nurture ourselves, share with our friends, and pass on to our kids?

Savoring life,

Suzanne

Tags: butter, croissant, diets, flavor, food, guilt, pregnancy, resolutions, salt, suzanne bouffard
Posted in Guest Pinkies, Owning Health, Owning Joy, Owning Your Body | 4 Comments »

Owning Sisterhood: Seeing Each Other With Magical Eyes

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Dear Pinkies, Please welcome Dr. Suzanne Bouffard, a developmental psychologist, dancer, writer, and mom-to-be based in Cambridge, MA. Without knowing or intending to, Suzanne seems to have written the Owning Pink manifesto, and has articulated from yet another perspective the purpose and intention of our community. What she proposes is actually a wonderful exercise in seeing each other with magical eyes … but we’ll let her take it from here. Enjoy, Pinkies, and welcome Suzanne!

***

I’ve never had that tight-knit group of women friends that “Sex in the City” or even “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” would make any woman yearn for. I’ve had female best friends, but few that have lasted beyond the geographic conveniences that created them. I’ve had female roommates, but not the kind who cycled together and binged on Ben and Jerry’s at 2 am. So I’ve never felt that womanly bond that people describe in reverent, spiritual terms, despite being an (individually) reverent, spiritual person.

But a few months ago, I had my first ever appointment with an obstetrician. In the waiting room, sinking into a doublewide chair that my still-slim, poker-face body wouldn’t need for several more months, I felt the giddy freedom and anticipation of entering a new world. Conceiving a child was a complicated business for me (and I don’t use the word business casually); arriving in this office was like finding the other side of the rainbow.

I expected the quiet delight I would find in seeing my baby’s arm buds moving on the ultrasound screen. I had read up on the blood tests and pelvic exam that would be conducted. I had even heard about my doctor’s “lovely” personality and been assured of the kindness of the nurses who have since come to be like personal therapists, wise aunts, and psychics all rolled into one package of compassion and care. What I didn’t expect is how I would feel sitting in a room full of other pregnant women, women of all ages, ethnicities, shapes, sizes, stages. I didn’t expect the fascination and awe, the sense of connection, and the compulsion to stare and the brazenness to follow it. I might have subconsciously hoped for, but never expected, how connected I would feel to these women. But suddenly, here I was, feeling a part of the sisterhood. And damn, it felt good. Women sitting with their partners smiled knowingly at each other, preggos sitting alone compared notes with their neighbors, soon-to-be first time moms unabashedly asked parenting questions of those with little ones in tow.

Why was this so different from the don’t-ask-don’t-tell-don’t-even-look land of the fertility clinic? Why was this so different from the I’m-your-friend-but-also-your-competitor classrooms and dance studios where I spent my adolescence? Come to think of it, why was this so different from every other woman-filled room I’d ever encountered in my life?

A whole new world of womanly bonding has opened itself up to me since I’ve been pregnant. When I introduced myself at my first prenatal yoga class, the other women – all well into their second trimesters – cooed softly at me like a roomful of big sisters who wanted nothing more than to shepherd me on this new womanly journey. My irritable neighbor, a recent first-time mom, has suddenly started saying hello and acting kindly. The crossing-guard down the street, always friendly but distant in that impersonal New England way, has started asking me every day how I feel and telling me about her kids. I had more conversations with strangers at Babies R Us last weekend than I did with coworkers for the entire week. I’m seven months into the baby-baking and I still feel like I’m blinking in the dazzling sunshine after staggering out of a lonely, dark cave.

Basking in this sunshine, I got to thinking: Why do we women reserve our words of support and encouragement and even love for certain times and certain people? Sure, everyone loves a newborn baby and pregnancy brings out the deep, primal urges to connect with each other that an evolutionary biologist can love. And no pregnant woman (certainly not me) wants to discourage the attention and privilege that she didn’t exactly earn but definitely deserves. But why don’t we connect with each other and support each other like this when we’re not pregnant? Surely we have many things in common that simply aren’t as visible but are just as important. What if we found those things and paid attention to them? Would we feel safer, stronger, surer? Would we be more healthy, happy, hopeful?

When the ebullient homeless lady who sells the Spare Change newspaper in my neighborhood congratulated me and guessed (correctly) the sex of my baby, I realized: We pregnant women have a great opportunity to embrace and then pass on the affection and camaraderie offered to us on an almost daily basis. But all of us women have the opportunity – dare I say responsibility? – to reach out to each other and find the things that connect us. These things may be harder to see than baby bumps and bouncing boobs and oversized strollers. But certainly they’re there. Whether it’s about body image, or career choices and successes, or health problems, or any of the other millions of things we all deal with as women in the 21^st century, chances are we’re not alone. And yet so many of us feel alone: my friend who is in intermittent but terrible pain from endometriosis, my cousin who loves being a mom but is desperate to find a new career and get back to work, my overworked and underfulfilled coworker who can’t figure out whether or how to get off of the fast track treadmill… Whatever those things are, we should look for them, and reach out for them, and then hold on to them.

Doing so doesn’t have to be time consuming, and it doesn’t have to change the core relationships in our lives. We all want to connect with people who have common experiences, and so it makes very good sense that we gravitate toward people who are clearly in our shoes. It’s wonderful that new mothers join moms’ groups and that coworkers assemble for happy hour. I’m not suggesting that we replace those relationships. What I’m suggesting is that we open our eyes wider and look for the connections we don’t immediately see, and that we act on them in quick, everyday ways. I’m suggesting that we share the same kind of small kindnesses and connected gestures that we offer to the pregnant woman down the hall who we barely know. We don’t have to spend a lot of time with her or ask for intimate details of her life to share in some tiny way in her joy. We just have to spend a few short minutes with her to see her, and to see our common womanhood and humanity.

Let’s reach out for each other, in little ways. Let’s look at each other, and ask questions. And then let’s listen, really listen. We won’t always agree, we won’t always find connection. But sometimes – maybe even many times – we just might surprise each other.

Of course, all of this is what happens every day here and on the Pink Posse page. But where else do you find or bring this kind of fellowship and acceptance of sisters in other areas of your life? How might you begin to do this? Could we use our magical eyes to tune into one another as the divine givers and livers of life that we are, even if our wombs aren’t carrying another human?

Seeing the beauty in you (whether or not there’s another person in there too),

Suzanne

Join The Pink Community and Feel the Love!

Tags: endometriosis, fertility clinic, girlfriends, new england, newborn, obsetrician, pregnancy, pregnant women, prenatal yoga, spare change, suzanne bouffard
Posted in Guest Pinkies, Owning Love, pink posse | 8 Comments »

Owning Utter Release: My Watsu Experience at Harbin

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

This is one of a series of posts I wrote during my retreat at Harbin Hot Springs in early December. I just wanted to share it with you.

I am at Harbin, the birthplace of Watsu (water shiatsu) and it seems criminal not to experience this delicious and unique type of body work- but I am scarred. I received Watsu once before, when I was newly postpartum and my father had just died. It was, at once, one of the best and worst experiences of my life. On one level, it was completely nurturing to be held in the arms of a trusted practitioner, while she swirled me through warm water and held me close in a womb-like environment. I felt so tended and loved that I sobbed through my journey. On another level, I got so motion sick that I wanted to puke- and I don’t do nausea well. After just completing a pregnancy, my threshold was low, and I dreaded having that feeling again.

Nonetheless, I am here at Harbin, where Watsu was conceived, and I feel like I must try it again. It’s been almost four years. Perhaps it will be different this time. And so I agree to do it. My friend & Mojo Mentor Tricia Barrett is gifting me this experience, and she has chosen Nico, a Watsu provider who has nurtured her before. I am open.

As we begin, Nico puts floats around my ankles and cradles me under my arms, so that I’m floating, eyes closed, in the warm mineral springs both. With my face above the water, he spins and swirls me in gentle circles, as my spine undulates under water. Using his hands, he presses on acupressure points, while the rest of me floats, weightless, in the womb-like pool.

To really experience Watsu, you must surrender completely. You must release control of your muscles and trust your practitioner. It feels quite vulnerable. Not only did I have to let go of my muscles, but I also had to surrender my inhibitions, as we were both naked in a pool. I’ve never been held by a naked man who was not my lover, but his gentle presence and the sacred space he created allowed me to let go. It is- as much as anything else- an exercise in release- releasing tension, releasing fear, releasing what no longer serves you.

After an hour of nurturing Watsu, I am invited to apply a noseplug and begin a water dance with Nico. When he taps me three times, it’s my signal to hold my breath, so he can take me underwater and help me surrender even further. I am undulating like a dolphin. I am curled in the fetal position and rolled underwater. I am rocked and held- and suddenly, I am transported into an altered state where Nico becomes my father, who passed away nearly four years ago, just before my first Watsu experience.

I don’t remember ever being held in the naked arms of my father, but I’m sure it happened at some time in infancy. Now, the forty-year-old me is held by the angel of my father, and I am rocked, held against his chest so that the chest hair tickles my cheek. The tears begin to flow. I have missed my father so much. It is so lovely to have him back. He floats me around the pool, guiding me safely through the underwater world that has always frightened me but doesn’t now. I feel disoriented, weightless and unanchored, but I don’t care. I am safe with my father, and I know he will protect me.

When the movement is finished, he holds me into a ball and gently presses my back against the back of the pool. Slowly, he guides one foot onto the floor of the pool, then the other- and for the first time in an hour and a half, I am standing on my own two feet, but I am still held. Then a hand touches my chest, pushing me gently away, and the sobs come. “No, Daddy. Don’t go. Please don’t leave me again. Please, won’t you stay?”

But the hand releases, and I am alone standing in a warm pool as the spirit of my father says, “You don’t need me to hold you anymore. I am always with you. You are never alone. You must stand on your own two feet and navigate this world by yourself. You carry inside of you half of my DNA and all of my strength and courage. You need not cling to the past. You may move into your power without me in the physical realm. I am so proud of you and all you’re doing.”

And then he is gone. And I can’t stop crying.

When I open my eyes, I am alone in the pool, free to cry without restriction, to let it all go, to surrender to the wave of sadness and loneliness, to relish the moment of having my father back with me, to feel my body in it’s jelly-like state, to BE.

And then Nico is back, and we hug. And I am moving forward in my life. This powerful healing is opening something within, something hard to define in words. But it is freeing, a liberation of the soul, an awakening of the heart, an invitation to fully experience what’s next, knowing that my father is with me always.

Still floating,

Lissa

Join The Pink Community and Feel the Love.

Tags: Harbin Hot Springs, pregnancy, release, surrender, Tricia Barrett, water shiatsu, Watsu, womb
Posted in Alternative Health, Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Joy After Loss, Owning Surrender, Owning Your Body, Owning Your Emotions, Owning Your Family | 5 Comments »

New Pap Smear Guidelines & Why The Holistic Health of Women is in Jeopardy

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Good morning, Pinkies. I just heard the news (calm down, Lissa. Breathe…) In the wake of the U.S. Preventative Services Task Force’s new guidelines for mammography screening, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists just announced new recommendations that cut back on Pap smear screening. My blood is boiling, Pinkies. WHAT IS GOING ON? Why are we recommending cutting back on women’s health screening? Don’t get me started (yet). Let me fill you in on the news.

New Pap Smear Guidelines:

Instead of recommending that Pap smear screening begin after you’re sexually active, new guidelines say that even a sexually active 13 year old should wait until 21 for her first Pap.
After 21, Pap smears are recommended every 1-2 years until age 30.
After 30, if you’ve had three consecutively normal Pap smears with no history of a seriously abnormal Pap, new guidelines say you only need to do Paps every three years.
If you’ve total hysterectomy for benign reasons, new guidelines say you can skip Paps altogether.
New guidelines recommend quitting Paps sometime between 65-70 if you’ve had three consecutively normal Paps with no abnormal Paps in the past 10 years.

Why the Change?

There is evidence to support the changes. The truth is that you’re unlikely to go from having a normal Pap smear to having cervical cancer in 3 years, even if you contract HPV. Because cervical cancer grows slowly, it’s still likely to be precancerous by the time it gets picked up. And yearly screening does increase the number of procedures performed, and some of those procedures- such as cryotherapy and LEEP procedure can affect fertility and pregnancy in rare cases. Plus, cutting back on Pap smears saves precious health care dollars. And if we’re not saving lots of lives and potentially causing harm by implementing procedures that may not be necessary, why do annual Pap smears?

So these guidelines aren’t positively ludicrous like the new mammogram guidelines that threaten to kill hundreds of thousands of women. I understand why they’re recommending pushing back the age of first Pap smear. HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer and abnormal Pap smears, is almost ubiquitous among teens. As such, doing Paps will lead to many abnormal results and require colposocopies, biopsies, and possibly treatment such as LEEP procedures, which can affect their pregnancies in the future, leading to scarred cervixes and preterm labor. And many of those abnormalities, if left untreated, would have resolved themselves without treatment.

I can also see why they’ve said that women who have had a hysterectomy can stop getting Paps. After all, they don’t have a cervix. And while there may be scant cervical cells left at the surgical scar inside the vagina, the risk of cervical cancer is exceedingly low.

BUT (and this is a gigantic BUT) there is a GINORMOUS problem here that carries far-reaching consequences for women’s health, and I can’t keep this quiet. Though women come to the gynecologist under the guise of their annual Pap smear, they actually come for WAY more than that.

Here are some examples of issues I handle under the guise of an annual Pap smear exam:

Sexual problems that threaten your relationship
Debilitating depression and anxiety
Chronic fatigue that prevents you from living vitally
Pelvic pain, often as the result of sexual abuse you have never confessed to anyone until I hold the sacred space for you and invite you to tell the truth
Urinary incontinence that causes so much shame and embarrassment that you might not leave the house, much less exercise or pursue your dreams
Menstrual disorders like hemorrhaging or menstrual cramps that cause you to miss work and other important life functions.
PMS/PMDD that may be hampering a happy life
Interstitial cystitis symptoms that make you feel like you constantly have a UTI
Menopausal symptoms that threaten a woman’s relationships, sleep, work, and life
Relationship counseling
Parenting advice
Losing your mojo

And that doesn’t even include the oh-so-necessary annual breast exam, internal pelvic exam to check for ovarian tumors and such, and the opportunity to make sure a woman is up to date on other cancer prevention procedures, such as colonoscopy in older women, or the HPV vaccine for teens.

Now, ACOG does say you should still talk to your doctor about getting an annual pelvic exam. (Thank you ACOG.) But are insurance companies going to cover a routine pelvic exam in the absence of a Pap smear? Are women going to go? So many women will hear these new guidelines and think, “Cool! I can skip the gyno for 3 years!”

By changing its guidelines, ACOG is going against the other main authorities on cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society and the U. S. Preventative Services Task Force both recommend that women get their first Pap test within three years of having sex, or at age 21- whichever comes first.

I respect evidence-based medicine and understand the rationale for these guidelines. I went to Duke and Northwestern and learned all the ivory tower beliefs about practicing based on evidence, not anecdotal speculation or emotion-based care. BUT….

What Do I Think?

Hmmm…I guess I think all the guidelines that have come out this week are missing something critically important in medicine. As leaders in women’s health, what messages are we putting out there? Somewhere along the way, governing bodies in medicine have forgotten the most vital aspect of what we doctors do. When they are reviewing data to make these guidelines, they are focusing only on what “cures” someone. But they have forgotten that there is a difference between healing and curing.

Let’s take a huge leap and assume that cancer screening is completely worthless and doesn’t prevent cancer at all. Is there not some value to the other types of healing work we doctors provide under the pretext of the annual Pap smear? Women don’t make separate appointments to talk about their sex life or whether they’re living as vitally as they might. They lump those things under the umbrella of a Pap smear. Many women feel like they’ve been handed a “You’re worthless” card at birth. I try to extract that card and replace it with a hot pink one that says, “You’re lovable, valuable, beautiful, and worthy.” This kind of work cannot be proven in a scientific study. But is taking away a woman’s excuse to visit her gynecologist taking away that hot pink card as well?

I’m not suggesting we do unnecessary testing or procedures just for the sake of getting a woman in the door. Ultimately, you have to be your own advocate for your health and wellness. But I worry about the far-reaching effects these kinds of guidelines will have for women who misunderstand and fail to hear the part about annual exams still being a critical part of women’s wellness. What if they get lost in the system? Especially underprivileged women, who may not be educated enough to advocate for their own well-being.

My fear is that cutting back on cancer screening will not only increase a woman’s risk of cancer. It may also limit a woman’s access to the kind of healing good doctors can provide. For most of my young patients, I am their primary care provider. The Pap smear is what gets them in the door. If you hear that you only need a Pap smear every three years, you may go three years without anyone talking to you about whether you’re living as healthfully and joyfully as you possibly can.

And you can be sure that insurance will cut back your coverage. If ACOG says you don’t need a Pap smear, your visit will likely only get covered if you have an ICD-9 code diagnosis like endometriosis or fibroids. And let me tell you- there’s no ICD-9 diagnosis for losing your mojo or cancer prevention.

You may think I’m biased. After all, I’m a gynecologist. It’s my business to have people come in for Pap smears, so of course, I would oppose these new guidelines. But the truth is that most gynecologists lose money by doing a Pap smear. The cost of the visit exceeds what insurance companies will reimburse most of the time. And since Medicare already doesn’t cover annual Paps, we usually eat the cost for older women who want to get Pap smears but don’t have coverage. So trust me, for most gynecologists, this is not about money. One of my dear friends in San Francisco (a total Pink God) is closing his practice- declaring bankruptcy- because he simply can’t make ends meet with a busy insurance-based practice. It breaks my heart. He is one of those doctors who, like me, practices love, with medicine on the side. Why does the system not embrace him? Why have we replaced doctors like him with technology, scientific data, and task forces? (*crying now*)

And why are they cutting back on only women’s health screening? Why not PSA testing for men? Not to be all conspiracy-theorist on you, but you can’t convince me that there aren’t some sexual politics caught up in all this. With all the advances we’ve made in women’s rights and women’s health over the years, why are we going backwards? Won’t somebody please stand up and shine the light on the Emperor’s new clothes?

I get that we need to cut back on health care costs. But come on, people. Must we do it at the expense of women? Can’t we focus our energy on tort reform or capping profits for insurance companies. Is this really the way?

For me, it’s all about advocating for holistic women’s health- the big kind, the kind that looks at a whole human being, not just a breast or a cervix. The only way we can help women holistically is to get them into our offices, provide a safe, sacred space for healing, and show up- fully present- to help them get in touch with what their body needs to be whole.

What Will I Do In My Practice?
I think you should be given a choice. The way I see it, it’s my job to present the data and help you understand the risks and benefits of cancer screening. If you want to get a yearly Pap smear and mammograms after 40- Fine. If you’d prefer to stretch out your screening or skip it altogether, no problem. It’s your body- your choice. I’m just here to help you understand your options and deal with whatever comes up.

The Bottom Line
Please, Pinkies, regardless of what you decide to do about your Pap smear or your mammogram, please don’t stop seeing a doctor every year.

Our Broken System

Thinking of how these new guidelines may limit your access to health care breaks my heart.

This system is so BROKEN. Hand me the suture and a needle driver. I want to stitch the fragmented, fractured, hemorrhaging heart of medicine back together again.