Sex Education | OwningPink

Posts Tagged ‘sex education’

How to Please a Woman in Bed

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Hiya Pinkies,

Here’s an article I recently wrote for www.tellinitlikeitis.net about how to make love to a woman. When Lin Burress, the site’s founder, approached me to write this piece, I felt myself blush. After all, I’m a gynecologist, not a sexpert. Wouldn’t she be better served by asking some Casanova or, better yet, a lesbian? As the Pink Doctor of Mojo, I’m all about helping women embrace joy and get in touch with their authentic selves. But how to please a woman in bed? Hmmm. My husband and I were just in the bedroom last night, working on making our own sex life a bit more exciting, so I can honestly say I’m no sexual rock star.

However, after thinking about it for a while I realized, to my surprise, that after ten years of working with women and teaching Pink workshops, I guess I have learned a thing or two on the topic. Listen up, partners of Pinkies: if you’re aiming to satisfy a woman in the sack, we girls beg you, pay attention.

20 Tips For Making a Woman Quiver

Every woman is different. If your super duper signature technique had your last girlfriend hanging from the chandeliers and bellowing out to Mother Mary, good for you. But don’t expect the same thing to work on your new lover. Our bodies- and needs- vary drastically. One size does not fit all.
A woman’s body is like an old beater car in subzero weather. It takes a while to warm her up. Don’t expect a warm welcome if you go from zero to sixty straight to her coochie. Foreplay will take you far. Our bodies sometimes need a little coaxing. So often we live completely in our heads. Our minds are spinning with thoughts about work, the kids, and tomorrow’s to-do list. If you help bring us into our bodies by arousing different erogenous zones, like the ears, the lips, the breasts, the inner thigh, the belly button, even the toes, you help remind us that our bodies can offer pleasure if we only inhabit them.
Love her and earn her trust. For most women, sex and love get all tangled. Not to say there aren’t some Samanthas out there who love to just get it on. But for most of us, we see sex as an expression of love, and if we don’t feel nurtured by you, we may not get all hot and bothered when you want to shake the sheets. Love her well and earn her trust. Pleasure will likely follow.
Set the mood in the bedroom. Surprise her with candles, mood music, and a flower on her pillow. Whisper sweet nothings. Don’t serve up silly platitudes, but say what you feel. When we cover our hands with our bellies and try to turn off the light, tell us we’re beautiful, just the way we are. Share how much you care. Romance gets her in the mood and helps her relax.
Know a woman’s anatomy. Need help? Take the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour.
Think sensually, not sexually. Immerse yourself in the sensory experience of her and find your own timing together.
Give your partner permission to offer feedback, and don’t take it personally. If your partner doesn’t respond to something you’re doing, it doesn’t reflect on your skill as a lover. It just doesn’t work for her unique anatomy and physiology. If you act dejected every time she offers you feedback, she’s likely to stop trying to help you please her. Accept constructive criticism lovingly.
Fine tune your radar. Even if you invite your partner to offer feedback, she may not feel comfortable talking about sex. Many of us have been so conditioned to consider sex taboo that we clam up when the subject arises. Learn to read your partner’s subtle signals, and over time, you will discover what pleases her. Little grunts and moans usually signal YES, and while silence may simply signal shyness, it may also mean that what you’re doing isn’t working for her. Pay attention to body language too. When she moves towards you, it’s a good sign, and if she adjusts her body to a different angle, she might be trying to show you where she wants you to be.
Be gentle and go slow. There’s no race to the finish line here. Remember how sensitive girl parts are. Don’t mash on us (unless we ask you to! We are, after all women. We might change our minds). Start slow, then gently pick up the pace as you go. Don’t start bangin’ us around like you’re trying to get to home base before we’ve even gotten up to bat. You may get sprung in 10 seconds flat, but chances are, we’re still thinking about how little Johnny’s teacher thinks he needs a reading tutor, or whether we’re prepared for that big presentation at work tomorrow. Be patient with us and our monkey minds.
Do not take it personally if your lover doesn’t orgasm during intercourse Some lucky women get off from the mere thought of intercourse, but the majority of women do not experience orgasm through intercourse alone. If you expend so much energy trying to make her cum while you’re having intercourse, you may miss the rich opportunity to satisfy her in other ways. Sure, try your darnedest to please your woman. But don’t pressure her. Many women will not orgasm during intercourse, even with the most skilled partner.
There may or may not be a G-Spot. While some women swear by the G-Spot and experience vaginal orgasms, most women can only orgasm during intercourse if they’ve figured out a way to directly stimulate the clitoris. For more about stimulating the G-spot, check out The G-Spot: Fact or Fiction?
Pull out the Kama Sutra. No need to focus all your energy on making her orgasm during intercourse, but why not try? Check out some books about sexual positions and have fun experimenting. You never know what might hit the spot for your lover. Be creative.
NEVER EVER compare her to another woman. I don’t care what the hell Jane or Sally or Maryanne liked in bed, and neither does your lover. If you think about other women when you’re making love to yours, please- for the love of God- keep your thoughts to yourself.
Most women love oral sex. To a woman, it just doesn’t get much better than this. Soft, wet tongue meets delicate pink pearl? Can you hear us purr? We love it even more if we think you do too. Start gently. Explore the inner thighs, the labia, the opening to the vagina. When her body language indicates that she’s ready, lick, suck, and swirl her clitoris in circles, mixed with up and down motions. Use your hands to explore the rest of her.
Help your partner out. If you lover prefers to orgasm during intercourse, stimulate her first with oral sex to help sensitize her delicate organs. Encourage her to explore positions that stimulate her clitoris, such as the woman-on-top position. Use your hands to touch her while you’re having intercourse, or invite her to touch herself. She knows best what feels good, and if you tell her how much it turns you on to see her touch herself, she may feel more comfortable augmenting her own pleasure.
Just because you’re done doesn’t mean she is. If your orgasm is over, don’t assume hers is too. Maybe she was holding out so she could orgasm during intercourse, but if you cum before she does, no stress. Just finish the job and help her feel as good as you do.
Invite her favorite sex toy into the bedroom. Did you see what happened to Charlotte from Sex and the City when she discovered The Rabbit? Don’t make her go undercover with her vibrator. The sex toys are your friends, not your competition. Let them stimulate both of you, and encourage her to explore.
Get Tantric or explore Taoist sexuality. Want to elevate your lovemaking to a spiritual plane? Check out Tantric or Taoist sexuality.
Remember that sex is meant to be about making love. Don’t get so focused on technique that you forget to connect. Look deep into her eyes. Caress her lovingly. Tell her how you feel. Hug her. Love her.
Cuddle when it’s over. Please don’t jump up and go watch the game. We make ourselves vulnerable, put ourselves out there, and want to know you’re still with us when it’s over. Snuggle in and stick around a while.

You still there, Pinkies, or has your honey dragged you upstairs? If you still need a few more tips, check out A Pink Guide to Orgasm by Mojo Mentor Dr. Rachel Carlton Abrams.

With great pleasure,

Lissa

Tags: female orgasm, g-spot, having sex, how to please a woman, how to pleasure a woman, how to satisfy a woman, kama sutra, making love, oral sex, orgasm, please a woman in bed, pretty pink pussy tour, rabbit pearl, rabbit vibrator, sex, sex education, sex toys, sexuality, tantric, tantric sexuality, taoist sexuality
Posted in Healthy Thursday, Owning Sexuality, Owning Your Body | 9 Comments »

The Pretty Pink Pussy Preoccupation

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Okay, Pinkies. This may seem a bit off topic, but something bizarre came to my attention today, and I feel called to comment on it. Curious about how much traffic we are getting on Owning Pink (lots! thank you!), my husband decided to investigate where our traffic was coming from. What did he discover? Bunches of you are typing in www.owningpink.com and showing up to the Pink Party (woo hoo!). Others are clicking over from Twitter. But the majority of you are popping up via Google, which shouldn’t surprise me, I guess, big behemoth that Google is. But what DOES surprise me is what search term most commonly lands people at Owning Pink.

Matt asked me to guess. I was thinking authenticity. Or maybe empowerment. Health, creativity, spirituality, real you- that kind of thing. BUT NO. The most commonly searched term that lands people at Owning Pink is “pretty pussy.” Oh come on! Really? All this work we’ve done to build something beautiful- to create authentic community, empower your sense of self, and encourage you to let your freak flag fly, and you’re showing up for The Pretty Pink Pussy Tour? (Which is a sex ed kind of post and is so benign and UN-sexy it probably completely disappoints the people hunting on Google for pretty pussies.)

Does Porn Really Rule the World?
Got me thinking about what our society prioritizes. Sure, Owning Sexuality is part of the Owning Pink lifestyle, and I’m all for it- don’t get me wrong. But seriously, people. Why are you all out there searching for Pretty Pussy when you could be interacting, loving, creating, even finding yourself some real, live pretty pussy to nurture and adore? I’m not judging. If porn is what you need to get off, or if it spices up your deep connection to your lover, go for it. I just hope you don’t completely objectify those pretty pussies for the sake of your orgasm. I hope you respect the fact that these women are human beings- real live people with families and bills to pay, who eat sandwiches for lunch and dream about what they want to be when they grow up, just like the rest of us. They wonder what to wear in the morning, pick up groceries at the store, and worry about their thighs. They might have pretty pussies, but many of them also have pretty hearts, brilliant brains, and beautiful souls. Just because they choose to (or are forced to) take their clothes off for a camera doesn’t mean they don’t feel everything the rest of us feel.

Pretty Pussies Are People Too
Not to be a buzz kill, but some of these women have been sexually objectified from the time they were little children. They don’t know how to value themselves other than through their bodies. Many live in impoverished countries or societies where women don’t have the power to earn a decent living. Some women figure society objectifies beautiful women anyway, so they might as well get paid for it. I guess I knew that the internet is filled with porn and people looking for it- and again, fine by me. What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. But do me- and all the pretty pink pussies on the internet- a favor. Humanize the pussy, please. Respect the person attached to that yoni, and let that respect overflow into the world at large. Those of us with pretty pink pussies (and beautiful hearts, souls, and spirits to boot) are grateful.

The one consolation from our Google discovery today is that all you people searching for Pretty Pussy who wind up on Owning Pink stick around for an extraordinary length of time. Seems that those of you who end up here by accident find it a happy accident, and for this we feel honored. The lesson I take away from this is that we all want permission to be loved, accepted, and whole, even those of us searching for porn on the internet. We welcome you too, whoever you are.

Much more than a pretty pussy,

Lissa

PS. Of course, this post will, yet again, attract all you Pretty Pussy lovers. Psych! Gotcha again. Didn’t mean to trick you, but glad you stopped by. Welcome.

Tags: pink cat, pink pussy, porn, porn stars, pretty pink pussy, pretty pink pussy tour, pretty pussy, sex, sex ed, sex education
Posted in Owning Sexuality | 12 Comments »

The Pretty Pink Pussy Tour (Your Vulva, Vagina, and You)

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

pussy Howdy, Pinksters!

This week, I had a patient who came in because of an abnormal pap smear, but we ended up chatting a whole lot more about the anatomy of girl parts. It still amazes me how many of you out there still don’t really understand the Pretty Pink Pussy (that’s code for “vagina, vulva, clitoris, etc…you get the picture). So this post is my gift to all of you for whom “down there” is still a mystery. I can see you all blushing now (Oh my, that doctor just said the word pussy!) But don’t be shy or embarrassed. Owning Your Body is all part of Owning Pink, and you have to understand it to Own it. So here goes, Pinkies. You ready?

Pinkies, Meet Yoni

I don’t mean to insult anyone who is already very in touch with her body, but in case you’re one of those women who has never been introduced to Yoni (what I call my girly parts), let me introduce you. Pinkies- Yoni. Yoni- Pinkies. Or you can make it more personal. What do you call your girly parts? If you’re still calling it Front Bottom or Pee Pee after raising your kids, maybe it’s time to reclaim your girly parts for yourself. I taught an Owning Sexuality workshop and one woman named hers Elizabeth. Another named hers The Furry Monkey. What about you? Have you named your girly parts? Try it! Be creative. Close your eyes and let the name come to you, then start using it. You might be surprised what comes up. Today, I’m going to invite you to Own Pink by taking a tour of your girly parts, whatever you call them. Are you ready? Wheee!!!! Here we go!

What You’ll Need For the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour

1.A private room with a door you can lock

2.A hand mirror or a full length mirror you can straddle up to

3.A nonjudgmental mind

4.A smile on your face (Yes, you can giggle. In fact, I encourage it.)

Take the Tour

Step 1: Take your hand mirror, or if you’re one of those limber yogis, just straddle up to a full length mirror, and open your legs all the way, so you can get a good look at yourself. If you’re not that limber, just lie on your back frog-legged and hold the mirror where you can see yourself.

Step 2: Take a gander at yourself, and release all judgment. If you hear yourself saying, “Ewww…how ugly,” trying turning your negative thought into an affirmation, such as “Thank you, vulva, for protecting my delicate vagina from the outside world,” or something like that. You’d be surprised how many women have never done this and really don’t know what’s what. How can you Own Your Body if you’ve never even looked at it? Make a commitment to knowing and loving your body, just as it is.

Step 3: Approaching your body with a sense of gratitude, let’s begin the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour. (Yes, the name is meant to make you smile. But first I have to tell you a funny story. I was giving a lecture to a group of lesbians, and when I started talking about the Pretty Pink Pussy, one of them piped up, “Finally, a gynecologist who can say the word Pussy without flinching.” I felt all fluffed up like a peacock, to get this compliment from a group of women who really know Pussies.)

vulva The Vulva and Clitoris

But back to the tour. First, let me get you oriented. When you look in the mirror, you’re going to see a mound of pubic hair at the top- this is called the mons pubis. It doesn’t serve much function other than alerting your sexual partern that there are some good gems hidden underneath your bush. When you spread your legs apart, you will see your vulva, the whole collection of outside parts. Within it, you will notice two sets of labia. The labia majora consist of the two meatier, outermost lips. Just inside the labia majora are the labia minora, the two thinner, inner lips. These outer structures serve to protect the delicate structures that lie beneath the surface. When you spread the labia open, you will see the rest of your genitals. If you look just below the mons pubis, the first thing you’ll come across is your clitoris. It’s the nerve-laden nub of tissue at the very top of your genitals, just below the mons pubis. This is the only organ in either the male or the female body designed exclusively for sexual pleasure. Wow! Good thinking, JABA (Jesus/Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Athena, Etc.) Pretty cool, huh?

The Urethra

If you go down from the clitoris, the next major landmark you’ll hit is the first of your three holes- the urethra, which is the tube that connects your bladder to the outside world, known to my three-year old daughter as the “pee pee hole.” You urinate out of your urethra, and your Skene’s glands, which are located just inside the urethra, are believed to be the origin of the elusive and controversial female ejaculation. In some women, during some orgasms, fluid may be expelled from the urethra. (If this has never happened to you, don’t worry. It only happens to some women, and even among those women, it doesn’t happen every time.)

The Hymen

Moving further south, you will come across the opening to your second hole- the vagina, which is a larger hole than the urethra and serves several important functions. The hymen, or what remains of it, lives right at the entrance to the vagina, right at the introitus. If you imagine the vagina as the sleeve of a men’s dress shirt, the hymen is its cuff. Usually, in adult women who have had sex, the hymen looks like a rag-tag pink, fleshy circle around the vaginal opening, which may have several breaks in the circle or may no longer be visible, especially if you’ve had children.

The Vagina

Just past the hymen is the vagina, which is a potential space, meaning that, if nothing is holding it open, it collapses on itself like a sock without a foot in it. But the walls of the vagina are stretchy and allow it to expand. When you look at it, you won’t see this giant cavity. Instead, you’ll just see an opening, which can expand to serve its function. This is the mother of all pussy places. The vagina is the place where sexual intercourse happens, and during childbirth, it serves as the birth canal, stretching to allow a baby to come through. Outside of reproduction, it is the place where menstrual blood leaves the body, where the controversial G-spot lives, and where any number of Pretty Pink sexual activities take place.

The Perineum

Still heading south, if you leave the vagina, the next thing you encounter is the perineum, the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus, the opening to the rectum. The perineum is where you might see an episiotomy scar or tear if you’ve had a baby. It is also the most common area infected by certain sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes and genital warts. Functionally, the perineum serves to separate the vagina from the rectum, with all its potentially harmful fecal bacteria, but recreationally, this very sensitive tissue is part of sex-play for many couples.

The Anus

Last but not least comes your third hole, the anus, leading to your rectum, which is the end of the gastrointestinal tract that starts at your mouth. Surrounded by the anal sphincter, which is under your muscular control and serves to hold in poop and gas, the anus looks like a mouth that just ate a lemon, all puckered up and wrinkled. Like the vagina, the rectum is a potential space, so when there’s nothing in it, it collapses in on itself, but when it’s filled with feces, it dilates, and the anal sphincter relaxes to let it out.

Step 4: Pat yourself on the pussy! You did it! Thank yourself for taking the time to know your body better, and affirm your girly parts for all the beautiful things they do for you. To Own Pink, you must Own Your Body. You can’t hide it under panties and skinny jeans and pretend it’s not there. It’s all part of being a woman and being comfortable in your skin. Own it, baby!

How was that for you? Please tell me about it in the comments section. Are you laughing? Do you feel empowered? Are you inspired to talk to your daughter to help her own her body? Tell me what you think, Pinkies!

And Happy Cinco de Mayo!

With love and Pink Pussies,

Lissa

www.lissarankin.com

PS. For all of you following me on Twitter and Facebook, this social media cartoon is for you. Friggin’ hysterical!