Pinkies, I love you. Really, I do. I’m not just saying it. When I think of each and every one of you, my heart swells almost to bursting. I love you. I just do. Which you may find odd, because we don’t say these things much. But hey- it’s almost Valentines day, so it bears exploring, this whole “love” thing.
An Imperfect Language
The problem is that we simply don’t have enough words for love in the English language. We have “like” which is watered down and kinda lame. We have “adore” which is definitely limited to romantic love and children. But what about the love you have for your girlfriends (or guy friends)? What about the love you have for your parents? For you children? For your crazy Uncle Lenny? For your pitbull Spike? For your job? For yourself? What about the love I have for you Pinkies, most of whom I’ve never met? Why don’t we have language for these feelings? We could try rewriting the language to more closely reflect the way Eskimos talk about snow, but hey- it’s not my place to reconfigure the language of Shakespeare. So for now, we’ll have to stick to what we’ve got.
Can You Say “I LOVE YOU” Too Much?
The way I see it, most of us don’t hear the words “I love you” enough. I was blessed. I grew up hearing it all the time from my parents and loved ones. Then I attracted boys who said it often, until one boyfriend refused to say it more than once per day. He believed that saying the words cheapened them. Used to bum me out completely if he said it at 8am- I knew he’d reached his quota until the next day, no matter how tenderly he expressed it. Although I truly adored the guy, that relationship lasted less than six months (no surprise).
Personally, I think there’s no such thing as too much love. It probably won’t come as much surprise to you that when a life coach asked me to take a Signature Strengths test, my number one Signature Strength was “The ability to love and be loved.” Uh…really? So you might say I’m gifted at love. (Trust me- this can be a liability. By 33, I was twice divorced. But that’s another story for another post).
Loving Freely
When I think of free love, I think of long-haired hippies with daisies in their hair at Grateful Dead concerts, and frankly- that’s not really me. But in a way, yes, I guess I’m a free love kind of gal. No, I don’t really sleep around. In fact, I can still count on one hand the men I’ve slept with (and no, I’m not proud of the fact that I married three of them). But the truth is, I love often. And hard. I love profoundly. And it’s not just boys. I cherish my daughter. I adore my mother. I love my girlfriends deeply. I love my patients (may the medical community strike me down for speaking such heresy). And I love Pinkies. I would name each of you, but I don’t want to embarrass you- plus, that would be a really long post. So I’ll resist the temptation to express my love for each and every one of you.
Expressing Love Genuinely
But is it real? Do I really love that much? Some might argue that what I call love isn’t the same as what others call love. What do I know? This is just me. What I can honestly say is that I see your spirits- each individual one. I can see past your masks. I can use Magical Eyes. And when I see you, my heart connects to yours with this beam of Pink light, a direct heart-to-heart channel of divine love that courses through me and through you and links us indelibly like family. True, I may not know you. We’ve probably never met. If you just joined the Pink Posse forum, I may not even know your name. And yet, I love you. I see in you all the possibility of your highest self, your beautiful spirit, your divine potential. Is this weird? Maybe, by society’s standards. But it’s how I feel. So I’m just telling you my truth. I’m owning it. I love you. Period.
Is It Authentic?
If I love all of you, does it mean I love my daughter, my husband, or my best friend any less? Am I being genuine, or am I just saying what you might want to hear? Well, all I can say is that it’s what feels real to me. I feel like I don’t need to know the details about you to know the essence of you, to believe in your preciousness, to see your magnificence. Does it make it less meaningful if I offer love freely? I hope not. Our world craves more love. I’d hate to think that I should start rationing what I genuinely feel.
Growing up, my mother taught me a song. It goes like this.
Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away. You end up having more.
It’s just like a magic penny. Hold it tight and you won’t have any. Lend it, spend it, and you’ll have so many, they’ll roll all over the floor.
Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away. You end up having more.
My husband Matt now calls it “Lucky Penny Love.” And I guess I’m a believer in the song. Love lies within us all. We all are capable of loving and being loved. It just so happens that this is my #1 Signature Strength (I’m not gonna tell you what I suck at – that’s yet another post), but this capacity lies within us all. You too can OWN it. You are loving. You are lovable. I SEE you.
Why Do We Avoid the Words We Most Long to Hear?
Why do we ration the words “I love you?” I mean, face it. We are all desperate to hear them whispered in our ear by a lover, expressed to us by a parent, or voiced by our children. When our friends say it, we may blush but our hearts swell and our spirits lift. When Pinkies say it to you, admit it- it feels good. You may feel a little weird about having complete strangers utter terms of endearment- after all, it’s completely foreign to most of us- but if you dig deep, you realize that you like it. Hell, you love it. You heart eats it up.
Say I LOVE YOU Out Loud
Let’s just do it, Pinkies. Express your love to those you care about. Say it to your family. Say it to your best friend. Say it to yourself in a mirror. Say it to the Universe. Practice saying it until it rolls off your tongue. Who doesn’t want to live in love? And hey- it’s Valentine’s Day. Do it just because. Do it freely. Offer love like hot tea on a cold day. Nurture others with your fresh, beautiful spirit. Don’t be shy. They want it. I swear- they want it, even if they look askance and change the subject. Expect nothing in return. Just live in love. And watch what happens.
What about you Pinkies? What do you think about the words “I love you?” What are your experiences with love? Are you able to love freely or does it wig you out? Are you able to receive love when others offer it , or do you shut it out? Do you believe us when we say we love you? Or are you making up reasons why you’re unlovable? Let’s talk about this, dear ones. It’s SO important. I care what you have to say….
Loving you (like it or not!),
Lissa
