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Owning This Moment: Overcoming Your Monsters

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Some of the posts Pinkies write on the Pink Posse forum are just too good to pass up and we feel obligated to bring them into the Owning Pink spotlight. Dana’s post is just such a post. Please welcome Pink Goddess Dana, who arguably speaks for all of us in her quest to live in the present moment. Take it away, Dana!

“Be Here Now. Live in the Present. Live in the Moment.” So goes common advice from the life coach, the therapist and the spiritual guide. There really isn’t anywhere you can turn anymore without some enlightened someone urging you to put aside worries of tomorrow and yesterday in order to concentrate on making the precious moment in time you occupy RIGHT NOW full and completely experienced. The theory is that when your mind and heart are in the present moment – even the painful moment – you are not wasting energy on things you can’t control. And by achieving emotional and psychic energy efficiency – mindful of the present at the expense of the past and the future – you will live a fulfilled and happy life.

Riiiiight.

Who are these people? Don’t they battle all the Past and Future Stress Monsters of the modern world? Don’t they struggle to pay down credit thrown at them in past times of economic “abundance,” which threatens their future? Aren’t they distracted by anxiety over whether they’ll ever meet Mr./Ms. Right tomorrow or in another decade? Don’t they have children to worry about getting into college? Aren’t they anxious about our soldiers and how many more must die? Don’t they have illnesses or know people with horrible diseases eating them alive who may never even have a future? Do they even live in the world or are they all just closet monks? Oh, please! This philosophy seems like it was developed on an ancient Buddhist mountaintop far removed from our modern reality.

Well, even though it’s very possible this philosophy was dreamed in some quiet temple – sans kids running around or cell phones ringing – through personal trial and error, I have come to believe that Living in the Present is not only possible in the modern chaos of worries, but necessary.

Entering the Present Moment
My journey into the Present started many years ago. It wasn’t so much an event that awoke me as it was a realization that I had achieved everything I’d set out to achieve – a good career, a wonderful family, a nice house etc., but I wasn’t happy. There was always something ‘wrong,’ some problem, something keeping me from just enjoying a Moment in Time. It occurred to me that if all those achievements I’d sacrificed the Present Moment for all those years couldn’t make me happy, perhaps I wasn’t capable of happiness. And this idea scared the bejezzus out of me. I realized that if I didn’t find a way to be happy in the Moment, I was going to lose the Moment entirely, and take my family down with me or drive them away.

Meet the EmoMonsters
The good news was that this scared me into starting my journey to wholeness; the bad news is that when I awoke to this new path, I found myself smack in the middle of the Forest of Emotional Instability, surround by EmoMonsters of many shapes and sizes. I didn’t realize it at the time, but Presence would become my best Monster defense and ultimately my way out of the Forest entirely.

One of my fairy godparents appeared in the guise of a corporate trainer who gave a room full of us Fortune 100 employees a ballpoint pen and a group exercise called “Be Here Now.” I would have dismissed the message completely (see above cynical rant) if it hadn’t been for the gentle soul who delivered it. Learning more about how he struggled with “issues” in his life and yet still managed to pass on wisdom and peace to people he met on his journey made me look more seriously at his message of Presence.

Monster Spray

And I’m so glad I did because a little farther into my quest I ran up against debilitating fears, doubts, worries and insecurities that attacked me like slatheringly ferocious beasts, all ganging up into one big Gigantic Monster sucking at my confidence and drive. Even though these frightening demons eventually turned out to be a large gang of annoying little gremlins and imps, in the middle of these beastly battles being Present in the Moment became my Monster Spray. On days when the Fear Demon tried to paralyze me with every imaginable concern for what had gone wrong in the past and might go wrong in the future, I found that if I sprayed myself with Presence – focusing on only those things that might go wrong in the Moment – I could focus enough to make sure the things that HAD to go right, did so. Covered in Presence I could function as a mom, wife and employee because I’d sapped energy from the Monster’s scariest weapon – overwhelming worries over things I couldn’t control.

But it turned out that Presence had only weakened the beasties, not gotten rid of them altogether. I still had to let them go. This was a bit confusing for me until I succumbed to the logic of my inability to “fix” them and simply gave them up. I let all the things I could not control go, handing them off to – other things.

Expunging the energy I was sending into worrying about the past, I wrote over 100 apology letters and angry rants (which I didn’t send) just to purge those old wounds and gremlins out of me. Then I gave my worries about the future to God, angels, and myself in my future state. I gave the future back to the future, sending it forward in time and out of me.

Shrinking The Monsters into Gremlins and Imps

With every letter-to-put-the-past-to-rest and every worry-i sent-forward, the DemonBeast before me shrank. Once I’d fully defused the Fear Demon’s past-and-future-worry-power, the stupid git had shrunk down to gremlin size and started kicking my shins. It was then I realized that by living in the Present Moment, unparalyzed by the weight of things that were inherently unmanageable, I could function better emotionally and take on the little bite-sized Gremlin Fears and Worry Imps one-by-one as they appeared as Present Problems. And so I emerged from the Forest of Emotional Instability and began my true journey to wholeness.

Today, I live a great life with plenty of things to worry about that I don’t spend too much energy on. Living in the Present has made me happier and wholer and given me protection against the most terrifying of Demons, but it hasn’t gotten rid of all of my problems. Life is full of Monsters and my job is to simply deal with them one at a time as they sneak up behind me, inside me and/or blocking my path. And Monsters or not, life is still an ongoing balance of the happiest of Moments and the saddest as well.

There’s more to this story, though. Having found my way out of the Forest of Emo-Monsters and armed with my new Monster Spray of Presence, I realize that learning to Be Here Now has actually changed me in some other – extremely fundamental ways. I’ll elaborate in a future post, but in some ways these other changes may have been more frightening to me than the Fear Demons that came lunging out of the dark. It occurs to me that the Worry Monsters may actually have been protecting me from what I feared the most, from the thing that Living in the Present transformed me into.

Striving to be here now,

Dana

Tags: anxiety, be here now, fear, monster spray, monsters, pink posse, presence, worry
Posted in Finding Mojo, Owning Surrender, Owning You, Owning Your Emotions, pink posse | 1 Comment »

Life is Ephemeral: Living In The Moment

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Hiya Pinkies! I wrote this post last week, very early in the morning, while I was in Big Sur, and I wanted to share it with you.

Clinging to the Moment

I awoke early this morning to the nature sounds of Big Sur. My husband still sleeping, I threw on a sweater and made my way to outdoor sofa, overlooking the breathtaking view of Big Sur’s ocean cliffs. The sun was just beginning to cast its pink-hued glow on the landscape, and I ran back into the house to find my camera, so I could capture the beauty. I kept trying, take after take. But try as I might, my little Canon just couldn’t reproduce what I was seeing with my own eyes. Then I realized I needed to stop. I was trying so hard to freeze the moment in time that I was forgetting to simply enjoy it. So I put down the camera and enjoyed the sunrise, knowing that the memory of it would exist only in my mind.

But isn’t that always the case? How often to we cling so hard to past memories or future worries that we fail to appreciate what actually exists- which is this moment, right now. Think of how much time you spend remembering yesterday or planning tomorrow. Even this precious moment, this beautiful sunset, will be gone in moments (in fact, as I write, the pink is fading as a warm golden yellow replaces it). Like it or not, life is ephemeral. Trying to grasp it is like clinging to a trapeze of shifting sand. If you depend upon it staying the same, you will inevitably fall.

Being Present

I think back to moments in time I’ve tried to attach to- the precious quiet of my father holding my newborn only hours before he died, the snuggled-close feeling of being in a bloody labor bed with my best friend and sister as she awaited the birth of her daughter, the sunset backdrop of my Big Sur wedding to my beloved. All are precious memories- and valuable as such. Yet, those moments, at the time, were fraught with worry. How much longer would Dad live? Would Becca’s birth go well? Would the sun set so fast that we lost light for our wedding? Why do we do this?

What if, instead, we commit to actually living, to being truly present for each moment of our lives, both the joyful ones and the tragic ones? What if we stop regretting what happened in the past or fretting about what the future might hold? What would that look like?

Try it, Pinkies. I dare you. Please report back. What does this moment- right now- hold for you?

Living right here, right now,

Lissa

Tags: big sur, birth, camera, canon, capturing the moment, death, embracing the moment, living in the moment, moment, now, regret, sunrise, sunset, worry
Posted in Owning Balance, Owning Joy, Owning Surrender | 7 Comments »

Owning You: Confronting Your Ghosts, Demons, and Monsters

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Happy Halloween, Pinkies! Joy, here. Tomorrow is the spookiest day of the year, when witches, gremlins, ghosts, and demons come out to play. It got me thinking about the ways our lives can be haunted. We carry around plenty of ghosts – fears, regrets, and responsibilities weigh us down, and take up space and energy that could be used in pursuit of our mojo. Here are some Halloween tips on slaying the demons and releasing the ghosts in our lives.

Regret. Probably the scariest ghost of them all. Things we have or haven’t done or said will surface when we least expect it – the twinge of regret stabbing like Freddy’s knife. We can face down regret often by remembering that there is no suffering in the present moment. Not only that, but the present moment is all there is. Do something that helps bring you into the now – meditate, go for a hike, play with your kids or your pets. Let everything else fall away. We can’t go back and undo what we’ve done, and it’s possible that in the future we will act in a way we will later regret. Accept that you are human (it’s likely that there are at least 7 billion others with regrets too), flawed, fallible, and most of all, LOVEABLE.
Broken relationships. The term “monster-in-law” speaks well to the torment of a relationship gone sour. Are there people in your life with whom you experience tension, constant angst, or awkwardness? What is the cause of this dynamic – can you even remember? Drill down to the roots of why the prospect of being around this person is so scary. If it is possible, take steps to heal what is broken. It could also be time for the relationship to be over. If so, release it with love, forgiveness, and an open heart.
Phobias. Are you afraid of the dark? Ghosts? Heights? Spiders? How does your phobia hold you back from doing what you want to in life? Take some time to sit quietly with your phobia and ask what it is that truly scares you. What elements of the fear can you release? An intuitive reading could help you get to the bottom of inexplicable fears, as often they reside in past lives.
Bad memories. As with regret, memories of terrible experiences in our lives can surface when we don’t want them to, and might deter us from living to our fullest potential. First, know that it is not your responsibility to hold information that no longer serves you. Various body work and energy healing modalities like massage therapy or Reiki can gently and safely help you bring these particular ghosts to the surface and, as you become ready, help you to let them go.
Worry. Anxious over the future? Concerned about your loved ones? Remember, Pinkies, that the Universe actually has the future pretty well under control – the world will spin on, and there is no need for you to drive. Same with the people in our lives. While it’s easy to think that our kids’/ spouses’/ friends’ lives would cease to function without our involvement, each of us is on our own path and, ultimately, must make our own decisions for our lives. Worrying does not help anyone. All we can do is send love and light to our dear ones, surround them with an energetic bubble of safety, then let go and trust that their lives – like ours – are unfolding as they should.
Fear for the world. Shut off your TVs, Pinkies. Seriously. While we like to think that we’re keeping ourselves informed by paying attention to the media, really we’re being thrown a lot of negativity and confusion. Somewhere along the way, someone decided that all we needed to hear about are the disasters, deaths, cruelties and misfortunes in the world. Plus, everyone’s opinions about everything add a layer of confusion that is frustrating and frightening to navigate. The way to bust this ghost is to shut off your radio, close the newspaper, and start to focus on all of the kindnesses, beauty, and miracles you see happening around you every day. You might even surround yourself with inspirational stories, such as those showcased by Daran Kagan, the former CNN anchor who got tired of bad news.
Illness. A particularly scary monster. While there is lots you can do to prevent illness from getting to you – avoiding stress, embracing the positive, eating well, exercising, getting rest, expressing your emotions, and treating your body as the temple it is – there are still those of us who fall prey to the beast of disease. If you are sick, rather than engaging in a full-on battle to eradicate whatever has invaded, try approaching it lovingly. Be curious about the subtle gifts and messages the illness has for you. Develop a relationship with this thing that is, like it or not, a part of you, and know that the Universe had a purpose for putting it in your path.
Things unsaid. This ghost can hang between two or more people and negatively affect the relationship. Transparent or invisible though it may be, it’s a presence that’s hard to ignore. It takes courage to speak your truth, but it is the only way to fully express yourself. Speaking your truth is different than saying whatever is on the top of your head. Be mindful of the feelings of the person you’re talking to, and beware of being brazenly nasty or hurtful. Rather, approach the conversation with kindness and care, and know that your honesty is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the other.
Old versions of ourselves. As you’ve begun to find your mojo by owning all of the pieces of yourself, you might experience some major changes – physical, emotional, and spiritual. The transformation may be so dramatic that it’s hard to recognize who you used to be. However, rather than forgetting, dismissing, or denying that you were ever “less” than you are now, embrace that person with love. Know that you had to be there to get here, and that the old you is not a monster, but rather a part of the whole, authentic, beautiful you.
Responsibility. Sure, we have plenty to do to ensure our basic survival, never mind pursue our happiness. It’s not long before the things we do in the interest of living a full life become an overwhelming to-do list, a monkey on our back and an ogre in our way. Make a list of all of your responsibilities. Which are really serving your highest intentions? (Hint: the ones that feel like burdens, or give you a heavy feeling in your chest likely aren’t.) Get back to basics, treating the “menial” day-to-day tasks with pride, dignity, and presence. Dispense with the excess – the list of “shoulds” that disagree with what your inner wisdom is telling you. And don’t forget to ask for help when you need it.