The other day I got one of those email forwards – you know, one of those anonymously written messages that sometimes comes with an introductory “This made me laugh” or “So true!” from the sender. These days it’s rare that I get such an email, and it’s even more rare that I read it. But when this one appeared in my inbox, I just had to look, in that can’t-stop-watching-a-train-wreck sort of way. Its title: “Why men are never depressed.” Its first line: “Men are just happier people -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?”

Do you ever have those days when you intend to support the love of your life, but then your evil twin shows up and sabotages you? I had one of those days a few weeks ago.

Before I became a mother, people were always trying to warn me about how much my life was going to change. In particular, they loved to tell me how they (and, by extension, I) would never again have enough time. “Whether I’m at home or at work, I feel like I never have enough time for anyone,” they’d say. “Never mind finding the time to clean the bathroom.” And time for themselves? “Forget it. I haven’t had time to read a novel since my oldest was born. Ten years ago.”

You’re not supposed to decide what your child is going to be when he grows up, and certainly not when he’s only five weeks old. But I’ve decided: my infant son is going to be a foley artist. You know, one of those people who make the sound effects on radio dramas. I realize that, in the 21^st century, this pretty much limits him to the one remaining gig on A Prairie Home Companion, but I think he’s got a pretty good shot. In the middle of the night, he makes the most incredible sound effects. He does a convincing runaway stallion, the creaky basement door from a B horror flick, and - his best one by far - the bad boy peeling out of his girlfriend’s driveway in his red Camaro. It’s as impressive as it sounds. But there’s one problem with his budding talent: I can’t sleep through it. At all. As if the sleep deprivation from being up when he’s awake weren’t bad enough, I’m also up when he’s asleep.