"Grief can make a liar out of you because there is a disconnect between how you feel, and how you think you're supposed to behave."

This was Maria Shriver's intro to her heart-gripping talk at the 2009 Women's Conference. I stumbled across the live telecast. The topic: Grief, Healing & Resilience. Interesting topic for a conference. That's kind of pushing it, I thought.

I’ve always been a please and thank you kinda gal. I’ll interrupt the dinner conversation to genuinely thank the busser for refilling my water glass, and make eye contact when expressing gratitude that a stranger held the elevator for me. But I’ve never been one to truly examine what I’m grateful for in my, you know, life. In fact, I kind of have an upchuck reaction when I hear things like “gratitude journal” or “gratitude practice” – it puts the woo in woo-woo, and the rebellious teenager in me wants to roll my eyes and scoff. Psh, whatevs.

But I come to you today a fully blown convert. A changed woman. Two woos just aren’t enough – my life calls for woo cubed. And what better week than that of Thanksgiving to finally own this facet of my life?

My name is Lauren Nagel, and I’m a gratitude-a-holic.

Most of my dreams are elusive. I make every effort to remember them each morning, but I have little success. Fragments pop into my mind throughout my day reminding me that my dreams are present in some part of my consciousness.

I was in a workshop a while back where we were invited to feel- really feel- our despair.  This did not sound like fun for me. I do a really good job of staying positive almost all of the time, even when I’m feeling shitty.  I was raised to be a good little Pollyanna, always seeing the light in every person, the opportunity in every tragedy, the rainbow in every storm. It has served me well for many years, but at what cost?