"We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know. You will now see more attractive people in your match results. Suddenly, the world is your oyster." ~ Email I received from OkCupid dating site this month.

Photo credit: A.Schwin

Several weeks ago I had two strangely juxtaposed relationship experiences that really helped me to shed some light on my current quest for love. I realized that I’m done with dating guys who are just around, available, and interested. I’m done with the wining, whining, and dining. I’m done having a relationship that I know isn’t going in the direction I want it to go, just for the sake of having a relationship at all. As my life coach, Brian, reminds me on a regular basis, “You get what you settle for.”

I learned about oxytocin early in my midwifery training. It’s probably the single most important hormone for birth and breastfeeding – it acts as a chemical messenger to cause labor contractions and the milk-ejection reflex. In fact, you might say that it’s the most powerful hormone any of us encounter. And recent studies have investigated oxytocin’s role in various emotions that promote well-being, including love, trust, and social connection.

Relationships are a fascinating and massively influential part of most people’s lives. We seem to have an innate need to relate to one another and to experience depth and love with each other - or our lives will feel dry and stale.

Unfortunately, it seems that a large percentage of relationships are NOT bringing satisfaction and joy. In fact, a lot of the time relationships are a source of irritation, frustration, loneliness, boredom, lack of harmony, instead of being joyful and nourishing. It inspires a craving for something else, something deeper. Is it at all surprising that there are so many divorces and affairs happening right now? We need this depth so much that even some of the most honest and integritous people will find themselves looking elsewhere if these deep needs are not met.