I talk to a lot of women about how to make baby-making sex hot again. Whether you are in the midst of trying to conceive or even going through infertility -- anytime you are looking for a baby while trying to get your hot sexy self going, the entire escapade can feel like a very cold shower.

Not exactly what we'd call sexy

The fact is, one of the hardest parts of trying to conceive is what it can do to your sex life. I remember being told that I had “Hostile Cervical Mucus”… now isn’t that hot? “Come on, Honey -- don’t you want me and my hostile vagina?!!!” Doesn’t that feel welcoming? Well – it didn’t to me. I felt like my body was saying that it didn’t want to receive my husband and my husband’s potential babies. It rocked my world (and I don't mean that in a good way). For a while I was really shut down sexually. I felt like my body was not warm and welcoming…I felt the opposite of sexy. I didn’t feel fertile and lush. I was everything that was not. Just think of the other diagnoses…”habitual aborter” or “premature ovarian failure”….I mean, this is really sexy stuff.

Years ago, my father kept an image of my mom taken during their early courtship. Sitting demurely on the edge of a chair, her hands on her bare lap, she’s clad in next to nothing, just a bit of black lace and a mysterious smile. It wasn’t something I was supposed to see, and that alone sparked curiosity. She was sensual before I could identify what that really meant, and before the woman’s liberation movement had begun, with its prattle of burned bras.

What's in a name?

Nowadays, one might call women accomplished in their curves and femininity any number of monikers. The Brits have "yummy mummy," their version of an acronym that rhymes with F I L T H, equally devoid of charm and mystery. Maybe that’s why modern labels rankle sensibilities. Do we want someone to look our way and say, that’s a Mother I’d like F**K? Out of the mouth of our beloved, if it’s his lust and love motivated behind those words, we may purr at the potty talk – if we are so inclined for private smut or brave enough to admit it.

I just reread bits of Lissa’s book, What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best  Friend. God this is great stuff. I didn’t even know half these questions existed. I mean, it never occurred to me to ask about labia size or pain during sex. But it got me thinking. Are these the questions I’d want to ask? Uh… not really. Call me a sex-obsessor (duh!) but my questions are far more prurient. Like, “Why do I have to imagine an effing porn flick in my head to get off half the time?” or “If I imagine touching a woman’s breast while getting juicy, does that make me a lesbian?” (Actually, Lissa does answer that one!)