Owning Pleasure: Preparing to Attend Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts

March 15th, 2010

Hiya Pinkies!

This weekend I am heading to New York City for the first weekend of the Mastery Program at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. You Pinkies may remember Mama Gena from the interview I did with her a few months ago for my book, What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend (St. Martin’s Press, October 2010). This is a Pinkie who has redefined (or, more accurately, unearthed) the truth of what it is to be a woman, and to Own Pleasure.

What I’m In For*

According to Mama Gena (and the Pinkies and Sister Goddesses to whom I’ve spoken who have taken the course), this weekend is going to be about “unleashing the intoxicating experience of being exquisitely you within a community of strong, hot, fun, confident women.” Whoa, Nelly! Something tells me my life is about to be taken to a whole new level of Pinkness. Some of what I can expect to be reacquainted with this spring includes:

  • Confidence, confidence, confidence (yes, Pinkies, I for sure need help with this sometimes!)
  • Learning to expose my truths, and experience more freedom to be the woman I really am in my relationships
  • Reconnecting with the Divine Feminine and hooking back into my dreams & desires
  • Putting the “O” back in MOM (as a mom who shares a bedroom with her four-year-old, I’ll be paying extra close attention during this part of the class!)
  • Experiencing a greater ownership of my sensuality and sexuality
  • Becoming intoxicated by the beauty of my own body
  • Attracting what I’ve been desiring
  • Bringing the fire, juice and romance back into my marriage

Uh, yes… please! Who among us doesn’t desire to touch into these elements of their own lives? And Pinkies – there’s still room! Please come join me this weekend if you can.

In preparation for all of this, I thought I’d take stock of where I am, and where I’m headed. To do this, I’m going to be doing a round of what Mama Gena calls “the BGDs”: Brags, Gratitudes, and Desires (Mama Gena calls it the Holy Trinity!). I figure, what better way to get where I want to than by Owning where I am? Of course this exercise must include you Pinkies, who will be with me in spirit (or maybe in person!) throughout this course.

How to OWN the BGDs

1. First, list your brags. This is anything about your life and yourself that you feel is particularly wonderful. Anything you’re proud of. This can be an awkward practice for many of us (especially women), who have been taught not to make ourselves too big or draw too much attention to ourselves (ugh, when did this happen? And why?). The Sister Goddesses (Mama Gena’s online community) actually keep a “brag board,” where one Sister Goddess lists a brag and the others “upride” you – telling you how great you really are, instantly dissolving any shame a sister might feel in speaking about herself this way. Why not start this practice in your own Pink Posse?

2. Now, list your gratitudes. What about yourself and your life are you most grateful? Dig deep. Be thankful!

3. Finally, think about all that you desire. Having made lists of what makes you strong and what makes you grateful is a wonderful primer to start thinking about all that is possible. Don’t edit based on limited beliefs or the fact that you can’t see “how” something might happen. When you are living in your power, anything is possible. Live big, Pinkies! Go nuts. As Pink Goddess Tama Kieves says, “Figure out what will make you giggle to your toes.”

I could brag all day about how blessed I am these days.  But doing so doesn’t tend to make one popular in the world, from what I’ve discovered.  Why is that? Why are we so willing to rally around our girlfriends when we life turns shitty and so reluctant to be there when life is grand? Mama Gena would want us to say “Fuck that!” (“Scuse my French, but seriously, what’s the deal with us?)
So letting go of all barriers, here goes. My BGD’s.
Owning MY BGD’s: (Eeh Gad!)

BRAGS:
1. I have this amazing Ivy League MBA hubby who desires nothing more than to be a stay home dad, rub my back, and help my businesses thrive.
2. My dreams are all coming true this year. It freaks the hell out of me because coming face to face with your calling is terrifying. But it’s everything I’ve asked for, so I can only bow to the Universe for making it all happen.
3. I am opening the Owning Pink Center next month, which will allow me to redefine health as I know it. Forget what they taught me in med school. There’s SO MUCH more than being simply well. We can be vital. It’s within our reach. I can’t wait to share it
4. It appears I am a gifted writer and artist (I wrote two books that are being published this year, and prepared an art show that’s being prepared to tour the country as we speak.  Woo hoo! Go me!) Damn- that was hard to write.
5. I am, by nature, a healer (ooh- even harder! What a loaded word!)  My most essential gift is to see the vitality in another person and help bring it forth, not only by practicing medicine, but by seeing and holding space for another to heal him or herself (we all have this power!)
GRATITUDES:
1. I am SO grateful for the amazing team that volunteers their efforts to making Owning Pink come to life. Where did these people come from? How can I thank them? I will feel forever blessed.
2. I feel gratitude that I am actually flying to NYC this week to meet all you amazing Sister Goddesses! It still feels a bit surreal. I can’t WAIT!
3. I am so grateful that I have been able to release my fear and follow my heart. It hasn’t been easy but it has absolutely served me every step of the way. Thank you Universe!
4. I am in awe of All of you extraordinary Pinkies
5. What would I do without my husband and daughter? They keep me grounded.
6. I am so grateful for the breathtaking landscape surrounding my home, and my ability to walk out into it on a regular basis.
7. I feel immense gratitude for an upbringing so loving and unconditional that it gave me the ability to give and receive love effortlessly.
8. I am so grateful for my whole family. I am  truly blessed.
DESIRES:
1.  I desire better sex. There. I said it! My sweet hubby longs for it too, I’m sure. But we have this quiet agreement not to speak of such things. What’s with that? BRING IT!
2. I desire more luxuries in life. I don’t consider myself particularly materialistic, but after quitting my lucrative job and making the leap of faith to live life on my terms, I’ve had to make some sacrifices. I’m done with that! I long for spa days again!
3. I desire balance. Pure and simple. A life of balance. Is that so much to ask?
4. I desire for What’s Up Down There to be on the New York Times Bestseller list. (Hey!  A girl can dream!)
5. I desire to have the magic of Owning Pink become a national – and worldwide – phenomenon, allowing millions to recognize their own magnificence and begin to live from that place.
6. I desire to spend more of my time doing what makes me feel most alive: writing, making art, seeing patients, being with my family, dancing, hiking, and BEING REAL!

I’m ready!

Whew! How are you feeling now, Pinkies? What did this exercise bring up for you? What new part of yourself do you feel ready to Own? What does taking it to the next level look like to you? How do you Own Pleasure in your every day life?

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling energized, hopeful, and pretty damn excited about this weekend.  Please join me, Pinkies – there’s still room! You can find out more and register at Mama Gena’s website: www.mamagenas.com.

What are your BGD’s? What if we make this a daily practice? Start practicing here in the comments or join the Brags, Gratitudes, Desires Group on the Pink Posse to share what you wish to OWN.

Owning what I got – and ready to take it higher,

Lissa

*list adapted from www.mamagenas.com

Mojo Monday Exercise: Connect Body and Mind Through Sign Dancing

March 15th, 2010

We’ve all heard about the mind/body connection, that thinking a certain way can affect your body. You can visualize your cancer cells getting eaten up, and it works!  But did you know it also works the other way around?  That you can move your body in a way that affects your mind?  Yoga is a great example of this, but there are other movements that can help heal your mind.  Today, we’re going to try Sign Dancing.

How I Discovered Sign Dancing

I learned this Sign Dance from Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom and a woman I deeply admire. In my opinion, Rachel is a living saint.  She works at Commonweal in Bolinas, CA, running retreats for people with cancer and founding The Healer’s Art, a curriculum now taught in most medical schools that teaches medical schools to connect, with their patients and themselves. She’s also single-handedly trying to heal the wounded physicians that make up our broken health care system. Amazing woman- really. Uber Pink Goddess status.

Rachel says she uses this Sign Dance whenever she needs to open her heart.  You can try this simple exercise whenever you’re feeling closed off after a challenging work experience or after a fight with a family member. When you’ve just received bad news or when are just having a really mojo-less day. Try it! You might be surprised by the power of this dance.  Rachel says she does it in public restrooms when she needs to, but she recommends against doing it in public. People might look at you funny, if you do, but come on!  Who cares?  This dance is based on American Sign Language, so theoretically, if you do it in public and someone knows sign language, they can you’re your dance.  Come on, let’s sign dance!

Step 1: Find a place you can move around and state your intention for the sign dance.  Maybe it’s “I’m going to open my heart.”  Or maybe it’s “I’d like to forgive my boss.”  Whatever it is- say it.

Step 2: Clasp your hands over her heart and say, “Love.”

Step 3: Sweep your arms out front in a semi-circle and touch your shoulders with your index fingers, and say, “Yourself.”

Step 4: Bring your crossed hands to your heart again, and say “Love” again.

Step 5: Throw your arms up in the air, flinging your arms to the side and looking to the sky, saying “All!”

Step 6: Moving your left hand into the shape of an “L,” hold the L above your heart, and then fling your arm out as if scattering seeds and say, “Let Go.”

Step 7: Sweep both outstretched arms from left to right, saying, “Move on.”

Step 8: Make a C with your left hand and hold it parallel to the ground.  Then lift your right hand through your left hand, as if it is a sprout growing out of a flower pot.  When your right hand reaches the top, extends your fingers all the way out like a beautiful blossom and say, “And Grow.”

Step 9: Moving your left hand around your face in a semi-circle to the right, say, “In Beauty.”

Step 10: Sweep your hand straight across your face and say, “And Wisdom.”

Step 11: Bending all the way over into a yoga forward bend, hold your thumbs together with your fingers outstretched and lift your hands all the way from the ground up to shoulder height and say, “Feel.”

Step 12: Flexing your biceps like Popeye, say “Strong,” shaking your fists to reinforce it.

Step 13: Step your right foot to the side and put your hands on your shoulders before saying, “Stand.”  Then fling your arms all the way out and look up to the heavens, saying “Tall.”

Step 14: Altogether, it goes like this.  “Love yourself.  Love all.  Let go and move on, in beauty and wisdom.  Feel strong.  Stand tall.”  Do it ten times, until you’ve got it down.  Now Sign Dance like you mean it!

How do you feel, Pinkies? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling all open-hearted.  If nothing else, you probably laughed and feel a little goofy, and you gotta love that!

How was that for you? Can you think of some occasions when that might come in handy?  Post your comments and let’s chat about it. And keep Sign Dancing!

Letting go and moving on,

Lissa

Own Your Body by Detoxing Your Beauty Routine

March 14th, 2010

Dearest Pinkies, please welcome back the beloved Green Robeen, here with some more very simple-yet-impactful ways to get our Pink selves in authentic, energetic shape by jettisoning some of the chemicals we put in and on our bodies. Thanks Robeen for your wisdom, your inspiration, and the wonderful spirit that drives it all. Hit it, sister!

*****

So the alarm goes off and your day begins… You hop in the shower, slather on some great smelling shower gel, work shampoo and conditioner into your hair, wash your face, towel off, then moisturize your body and roll on some deodorant. Now for some face-time – maybe you splash on some toner, slap on some moisturizer, add sun block for safety, and last but not least you top it all off with your favorite two-minute makeup routine and you’re out the door.

But wait a minute.

During this daily process you’ve likely exposed yourself to hundreds of dangerous chemicals. Your skin is highly absorbent – as the largest organ in your body it takes everything in and gives it a lift into your bloodstream. Next stop is all your organs and cells. Those products you just put directly on your skin –they each have several dozen ingredients, many you can’t pronounce, and most of which you have no idea what they do. Sure, you know about the dangers of synthetic chemicals, but it’s all so confusing, so hard to keep track of everything, so hard to know all you need to know, and so time-consuming to scrutinize every single product. And what if the green option doesn’t really measure up? We all know what that’s like – no one needs another beauty crime in their daily life.

Help is on the way!

I’m here to provide you with some easy to follow advice, some very helpful resources, and some great ideas for greening your beauty routine. We are going to look at the baddies, the eco-fakes, my favorite resources, how to read labels, and how to make shopping stress-free.

The Ten Most NOT Wanted Ingredients:

Getting a little bit of knowledge will take you a long way. You gotta know who the enemy is and what you’re dealing with so you can navigate your way to better beauty purchases. Here is your list of the Ten Most Not Wanted:

  1. Sodium Lauryl/laureth Sulfate is found in shampoos, body washes and toothpaste, and is a known skin irritant. This chemical is particularly nasty because it is absorbed through the skin and retained in the heart, liver and brain for long periods of time. It can cause damage to the eyes, even when absorbed through the skin. Exposure can lead to coughing, headaches, nausea and vomiting. Absolutely keep it away from children.
  2. Parabens are used as preservatives in cosmetics, and are known to cause irritation in sensitive skin. They have also been found to cause heart tissue problems over an extended time period, and are suspected to influence breast cancer, as they mimic estrogen. Studies have found high levels of parabens in breast tumors.
  3. Phthalates are often listed as DBP and DEP in nail polishes, deodorants, shampoos, hair gels, hand lotions, and more. Phthalate exposure in early childhood has been associated with altered hormone concentrations (affecting reproductive development), as well as allergies and eczema. Phthalates are often used as carriers for fragrance ingredients, and because the FDA allows fragrances to be classified as a “trade secret”, phthalates are often not listed on the ingredient label, showing instead as simply “Fragrance”.
  4. Formaldehyde contaminates personal care products when preservatives release formaldehyde over time in the container. Common ingredients likely to contaminate products with formaldehyde include quaternium-15, DMDM hydantoin, imidazolidinyl urea and diazolidinyl urea. In a study conducted by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics on 28 children’s skin care products, 23 (82%) contained formaldehyde at levels between 54-610ppm. Formaldehyde is a known carcinogen, can cause allergies and has been banned from cosmetics in both Sweden and Japan.
  5. Lead is often found in lipstick and is a proven neurotoxin that has been linked to brain damage and miscarriages, as well as learning, language and behavioral problems. One third of the lipstick brands on the market exceed the FDA limit for lead in candy: 0.1 parts per million. Over the course of a lifetime, we swallow a fair amount of lipstick – nine pounds according to the Environment Working Group. In August 2009, the FDA’s own study found lead in all 20 lipsticks it tested. Recent science indicates there is no safe level of lead exposure.
  6. Synthetic Colors, also known as FD&C colors, are mostly derived from coal tar. The FDA has banned many from food because they are carcinogenic and toxic, yet they still remain in cosmetics.
  7. Synthetic Sunscreens contain chemicals that accumulate in body fats and in mother’s breast milk. These chemicals mimic estrogen and can cause hormonal changes within the body such as increasing the size of the uterus. These chemicals are found in big brand sunscreens and should absolutely be avoided, especially if you are pregnant or breastfeeding. The chemicals to avoid are: 4-Methyl-Benzylidencamphor (4-MBC) , Oxybenzone, Benzophenone-3, Octyl-methoyl-cinnamates (OMC) , Octyl-Dimethyl-Para-Amino-Benzoic Acid (OD-PABA), and Homosalate(HMS) .
  8. Mineral Oil & Petroleum Jelly (Petrolatum): Mineral oil is a petroleum by-product that coats the skin like plastic, clogging the pores. It interferes with skin’s ability to eliminate toxins, promoting acne and other disorders, and it slows down skin function and cell development, resulting in premature aging. Mineral oil and Petrolatum are used in many products – baby oil, cold creams, Vaseline, Aquaphor to name a few – and they can easily be contaminated with cancer causing PAH’s (Polycyclic Aromatic Hydrocarbons). Manufacturers use petrolatum because it is unbelievably cheap.
  9. Synthetic Fragrance chemicals are responsible for causing most adverse reactions to personal care products. These irritants and allergens cause rashes, coughing, sneezing, and dizziness. Numerous skin care products that claim to be fragrance free contain masking fragrances to become neutral in scent, and so still contain fragrances
  10. 1,4-Dioxane is a suspected kidney toxin, neurotoxin, and respiratory toxin that I often present in bath products for kids as well as the leading “natural” and “organic” brands. 1,4-dioxane is a byproduct of a petrochemical process called ethyoxylation, which involves using ethylene oxide (a known breast carcinogen) to process other chemicals in order to make them less harsh. For example, sodium laurel sulfate – notoriously harsh on the skin – is often converted to the gentler chemical sodium laureth sulfate by processing it with ethylene oxide – and this can result in 1,4-dioxane contamination. More than 56 cosmetic ingredients are associated with the contaminant 1,4-dioxane.

If you want more, Teens Turning Green offers a great reference list called the Dirty Thirty. It’s a list of 30 chemical ingredients potentially linked to cancer. Many have been banned in Europe because of suspected toxicity. However, here is where things get really interesting – many big manufacturers reformulate without these chemicals for the European market, but continue to use these potentially dangerous chemicals here in the US because they can. The FDA has banned just nine chemicals from cosmetics compared to the European Union, which has banned more than 1,000.

Beware the Eco-Fakes

Say you go to the store and find a product that says Natural or Organic. Should be fine, right? Yep, if only it were that easy. Unlike the food industry, there are no legal standards for organic or natural personal care products sold in the United States. Behind the scenes are large corporate marketing budgets with slick packaging and realms of psychographic data that would make Freud cringe. If the toxins didn’t motivate you to do your homework, then this fact surely will: the largely unregulated cosmetics industry has publicly assessed only 11 percent of the 10,500 ingredients in personal care products.

Here is one of hundreds of possible examples that there is no truth in advertising for the big brands – Clairol Herbal Essences claimed until recently to offer an “organic experience.” However, there isn’t much about this product that is either herbal or organic; it contains more than a dozen synthetic petrochemicals and has a moderate toxicity rating in Skin Deep database (more on that later).

Interestingly, a lawsuit was filed against many personal care and beauty companies whose products have the word “organic” in their name, yet don’t have a single certified organic product in their formulation. These companies include: Hain Celestial Group’s Jasön Pure Natural and Organic and Avalon Organics, Kiss My Face Corp, Levlad LLC’s Nature’s Gate Organics, YSL Beauté Inc.’s Stella McCartney Care 100% Organic Active Ingredients and Physicians’ Formula Holdings’ Organic Wear. For a full list of organic “cheater” brands, go to http://www.organicconsumers.org/bodycare/index.cfm.

Stress-free Shopping

But wait, I hear you say, how do I find products that are truly organic/natural AND work? We may switch household cleaners with little risk of nothing more than having to clean that mess again. But if our makeup doesn’t perform, it’s tragedy. We want and expect organic products to work as well as their toxic counterparts. So how do you find them? I’ve got a strategy for you:

  1. Use the Skin Deep cosmetics database at www.cosmeticsdatabase.com to do your homework before you buy. This searchable database works by matching the ingredients in more than 25,000 personal care products with 50 toxicity and regulatory databases. Here you can research the products already in your home or find safer products before you hit the store.
  2. Make sure a product you buy is certified through the USDA’s National Organic Program. To be certified, a product cannot contain petro-chemicals and must contain tat least 95 percent organic ingredients.
  3. Find a legit green personal care website which carries a selection of brands. They evaluate every ingredient so you don’t have to. Just make sure their policies are legit! Many offer free samples, money-back guarantees and friendly, knowledgeable people to talk when you want to know what to buy and what will work for you. One I particularly like is Organic Beauty Now (organicbeautynow.com).
  4. Ask a friend, fellow mom, your mom’s group, or me. We’ll tell you what we know, what we’ve tried, and what works. You can probably find someone who has done  the legwork for you and is more than happy to share what they know.
  5. Baby steps – hey, I know you’re busy. tell yourself it’s OK to take it one step at a time! Pick a category like a new lipstick or new bubble bath, then do the research and find something that works. Once you’ve mastered it, move on to the next. Better yet, why not get a group of pals together and assign everyone a product area?

Your Mission, if You Choose to Accept it…

Go forth and be green and gorgeous. Go look at the labels on your Bubble Baths, Shampoos, Moisturizers, Facial Cleansers, Toothpastes, deodorants, and makeup! Show your body some love, and the environment too!

How are some of the ways you might start greening your routine today?

In support of your inner glow,
Robeen

Owning Commerce: Let’s Change the World, Shall We?

March 13th, 2010

Hi, Pinkies! Dana here. Owning Pink has become a force in the world. Can you feel it? Not only can we feel it, we can measure it and we’ve been growing at over 400% a quarter since Lissa started her blog almost a year ago.

As Lissa has intimated, the Owning Pink site is going to change in the next month or so. Pretty soon we’re going to have more blog posts, more opporutnity for everyone to participate and more opportunities for Pinkies to share their stories of wellness, self-discovery and getting their Mojo back. No matter what your path, you’ll have a home here at Owning Pink.

Garnering Support
To grow and continue to provide this safe space for everyone, we need to reach out to get some sponsors for the site. But in true Owning PInk fashion, we don’t want to just bombard ourselves with ads and logos, we want to do things differently. I mean, we’re being authentic here.  Why accept sponsors who don’t make the same commitment?

We’re going to reach out to some of our favorite “pink” companies and invite them to hep us change the world- to join us authentically, contribute to our knowledge, share their causes with us, and shine a light on the good work they’re doing in the world. And if their products and services are good, we’re going to recommend them to each other (and if they’re not, we’re going to tell each other that too!).

Whom to approach?
So here’s where we need your help. Tell us which companies you think are Pink! Which ones have great products that contribute to your health and wellness? Which ones are good corporate citizens of the world? Which ones treat you like a human being instead of a statistic? These are the companies we want to invite to help us Own Pink as we grow. Let us know which of these companies already recognized for corporate citizenship you would like to see here. Also, you can leave your suggestions in the comments below and if you know anyone at the company we can call, email me at dana [at] owningpink.com.

Woman are the greatest economic force in the world. Let’s own the power of our wallets and reward the companies we like doing business with and ask them to support us.

Love, light, and growing growing growing,

Dana

Owning Emotions: The Compulsion to Comfort

March 12th, 2010

cry

Who doesn’t love a good cry?

Turns out a lot of people don’t. Of course, there are safe spaces where we can own our tears … workshops, retreats, support groups, the Pink Posse. But there is still much of the world where the sight of someone crying will send an entire room into a silent panic.

You’ve been there. You’re sitting at a meeting table at work, or standing in line at a store, or hanging out at home. You are fatigued, frustrated, moved, or overwhelmed. You surrender to your emotions. Tears begin to flow.

Suddenly, everyone else in the room stops breathing. They look away. Talk amongst themselves. Pretend it’s not happening. Or worse yet …

They tell you to stop.

“Don’t cry,” they say, out of a desire to comfort and support you. And as loving as the gesture may be, it is not about you feeling better … it’s about them feeling better. Your tears make them uncomfortable. Stop. They say. Don’t cry.

Why? What is it about crying that freaks people out? Where in our evolution did it stop being okay to have our feelings? These of course are rhetorical questions, age-old and contemplated and theorized to death. And really, the “why” isn’t important. What is important is to own our feelings, and make it okay for others to own theirs.

Aliveness ≠ joy

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the past year is that being fully alive doesn’t mean being happy all the time. To be human is to have the full gambit of experiences and emotions. Kind of like the seasons, cycling through times that are more challenging to get to the bright spots makes life richer and, dare I say, a bit more fun.

Plus, the only way past any experience is through it – not around it. If we stifle tears, rage, grief, sorrow, or even joy – it’s going to lurk, distract us, even make us sick – until we acknowledge and HAVE the emotion. If we grew up this way (many of us did), there is so much stored in our bodies and psyches, affecting us in ways of which we’re not even aware. How much easier would this be if we simply gave ourselves and others permission to let out whatever’s going to come anyway?

Holding space

As part of our commitment to seeing each other with magical eyes, next time you’re in the company of someone who’s having some emotion – no matter where or when or how “appropriate” or not it is – I invite you to simply hold space for them. Don’t try to comfort them, tell them it will be okay, suggest that they stop crying, or even pass them a tissue. But don’t turn away or pretend like it’s not happening, either. Simply be there. Depending on who it is, a hug might be welcome, or a held hand. Let your intuition tell you what is needed.

How does that feel, Pinkies, to know that it’s actually not your responsibility to make anyone feel “better?” That being the kind and loving spirit you already are is enough – more than enough? How much more space might you hold, knowing that you don’t have to manically run around inside that space trying to make everything okay?

Letting you do your thing (and loving you all the more for it),
Joy